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Looking at yourself from the outside, you discovered that you are prone to selfishness and sometimes show dissatisfaction, which negatively affects your relationships with people around you. Once you realize the seriousness of your behavior, you want to make adjustments to your behavior in order to improve and develop better relationships with other people. You can do it. However, you will have to make a conscious effort to do this, since others around you will already be accustomed to your negative behavior. The good news is that you can change, and your parents will appreciate those changes.
Steps
- “Mom, my friend Derek is having a party on Friday night. How would you feel if I went? Here's Derek's mom's phone number. The party will be supervised by adults. My friends will be at the party too. I will be glad if you call me. Would you mind if I go to this party, and I, in turn, promise to return home no later than 11:00?”
- “Dad, I want to ask you something. I was at practice yesterday and noticed that my shoes were falling apart. (Show him.) Can I buy new ones?”
- “Mom, I don’t really like this mobile phone. I know it's not old yet, but I really want a new one (show her the one you want). I understand that it costs money. I'm not asking you to give me money for my phone, I'm ready to earn it. Tell me how I can earn money for this phone?
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Anticipate their needs. Be respectful and less self-centered by paying attention to what is happening around you. When your mom comes home from shopping, she's probably tired (you'll understand this better in 10 years). You can help your mom if you go shopping with her! Also, help her around the house. Look around. Few people like chaos. If you see things scattered, clean up the mess with your siblings. Don't wait for your parents to ask you to do this. You can vacuum, dust, wash dishes, clean the bathroom and your room, load the washing machine, etc. Do this without being reminded. Your parents will appreciate your help and respect you for it.
Take part in family life. If you sit in your room, talk on the phone, or write text messages, you are unlikely to be involved in your family's affairs. Of course, you can do these things and have personal time, but make time for your family. Your loved ones care about you, try to be less selfish by setting aside time to communicate with your parents. Even if you just watch TV with them, walk outside, or have dinner together, it means a lot to them. Ask your parents for help from time to time when doing homework. You can chat with your friends on the phone, but when you are spending time with your family, turn off your phone, or put it in voicemail mode; turn off email and don't text. Don't let other people steal your family's time. Your parents will respect you for this. In addition, your friends will understand that you have another life and you are not entirely theirs, so you will not always respond instantly to their messages.
Accept criticism. If you ask politely for something and your parents still say no, try to understand why they are doing this. Understand that your parents are not rejecting you because they want to hurt you. They are trying to act in your best interest. Chances are they have good reasons why they are turning you down. If they are not willing to give you money for a new cell phone, they may need money to repair a car, buy medicine, or pay bills. Additionally, they may think that if they buy you a new cell phone, they won't have the means to buy you a prom dress or gym uniform. When your parents reject you, accept the rejection with calm and maturity. Just say, “Okay. Thanks for thinking about it." They will be amazed that you accepted their rejection in this way, and next time they will definitely say yes to you.
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- Remember that you cannot influence the reactions of others. No matter how others behave, your desire to behave respectfully and maturely should not change. This will certainly help you in the future. If you are treated as a scapegoat in your family, you most likely have to deal with constant criticism and excessive demands. You are not alone. Be patient and seek help and advice from your teacher, school counselor, family therapist. Don't let your parents' reactions affect your self-esteem. In addition, your parents need to get used to your new behavior. Therefore, having chosen the right path, do not hesitate to strive for your goal.
- When you are being humiliated, it is not so easy to show respect. However, being respectful and respectful will make it easier for you to ask others for help. Get help - no one deserves to be humiliated.
- Don't expect your parents to immediately change their attitude towards you. They are used to you being selfish and disrespectful. Give them time to get used to your new behavior.
Be prepared for different reactions. If you are used to acting selfishly, then most likely your parents and siblings may not believe that you are capable of change. Stop teasing and making fun of your loved ones. Take decisive action. Change your manners.
Show interest in your loved ones. Instead of grunting at the sight of your mother, thus greeting her without looking up from writing a message, put everything aside and say: “Hi, mom. How was your day? Let me help you." Help mom around the house and listen to how her day was. This will show that you think about her, and not just about yourself and your friends.
Ask questions instead of making demands like you did before. Instead of telling your parents that you want to go to a party, ask them if they will let you go. Instead of telling your parents that they will have to spend a lot of money on your new wardrobe or on a school trip, ask your parents if they can buy you new clothes or give you money for a trip. Also ask what you can do to help cover the costs. Speak in the right tone, do not demand or whine. This way, you show yourself as a mature person by showing respect to your parents and understanding that they may have unexpected expenses (such as medical treatment or car repairs). Chances are, your parents don't have enough money for you to wallow in. They work hard to pay bills, buy food and pay other expenses. The following examples will help you show your parents that you respect them and understand that they have enough responsibilities. Next time, instead of demanding something, follow these tips:
Scientists believe that it is respect for elders that entails all good and kind deeds. If a child has no respect at all for his parents and elders in general, then he is prone to commit bad deeds.
More and more children are no longer respecting adults, and in particular their parents. From a very early age, parents need to tell their child about the culture of communication with adults. Until parents really show that they can punish properly, no phrases, for example: “that’s not how you talk to parents,” will help. And after you show “who’s boss”, not a trace of rudeness will remain, and due to punishment, restrictions on a computer or TV, or any influential restrictions, will be enough.
First you need to pay attention to your behavior and actions. You need to reconsider your views, pay attention to your speech, remove bad and boorish words from your speech, remembering that children follow the example of adults, but if you cannot completely get rid of such vocabulary, then get rid of such speech at least - would be in front of a child. Instead, start telling your children that they need to give up their seat to elders on the bus, address themselves as “you,” and not interrupt during a conversation. These are basic rules that prevent people from neglecting their parents.
Family relationships play an important role in raising a child. Father and mother must treat each other with respect and show parental authority to their children. When a child is given to one of the parents, the other should not be neutral about it. First of all, start teaching your children to show gratitude, without which respect cannot be achieved. A grateful person appreciates other people, including his parents.
From a very early age, boys need to be taught to let girls, women, and grandmothers pass first, to open the door in the right situation, to offer a hand somewhere, to help carry bags, to give way, in general, to be a man. He will do best when he follows the example of his father or grandfather. After all, children always look at their parents first, and then act as they wish. Dad needs to show his respect for mom more often, give some gifts, show respect and love. For a girl, a mother should become a faithful friend who will always support and understand. Mom consults with her daughter so that she trusts her. Having family nights once a week is good for building relationships and trust.
The main thing is to start raising a child correctly from a very early age, and then there will be order in the family. Change yourself and change your children
Hello, dear readers! Family harmony rests on two pillars: respect and trust. It is very important to instill both of these qualities in children. But it is not always clear how to do this. Therefore, today I would like to talk to you about how to teach a child to respect parents, the older generation and other people. By taking just a few right steps now, you can achieve huge results in the future.
Respect in the family
How does a child learn to eat with a fork and spoon at the table? Dad and mom show him how to do it, train with him, show him by example. Respect is the same skill you need to teach your children. It’s just that a person will not be able to understand what it is and how to behave towards others.
Therefore, your task is to show your child what respect is. To do this, you and your spouse must treat each other with respect. If you have problems in this matter, then my article “” will help you a lot. Let dad show how caringly and affectionately he treats mom. Then the son will adopt similar behavior.
In addition, the relationship between parents builds a future model of behavior with the opposite sex for your baby. It’s not for nothing that they say that girls are looking for a man who is similar to their father, and guys are looking for a girl close to the prototype of their mother.
Therefore, if dad treats his mother with care and tenderness, then the boy will try to behave in a similar way with the young ladies. On the topic of correct and healthy attitude towards communication with the opposite sex, I have an excellent article that will help you develop the necessary qualities: “”.
Try to show your humane attitude towards other people. To passers-by, store clerks, educators and teachers, relatives and so on. Your behavior will form the correct attitude in your child towards others and towards yourself.
You can teach a child to value himself by showing him his significance and importance. As well as yours. Each person is unique, has individual abilities, maybe something that others cannot do. All this is needed to realize the value of each person and oneself in this world.
Respect should apply to everyone, and not just selectively to some people.
Moreover, respect should extend to the work of others. The fact that mom cleans the house, cooks food and reads fairy tales before bed is not just her responsibility. This is work for which you need to be grateful. How to teach this to a child?
Your attitude towards children
From all of the above, it is clear that you can instill respect for people in a child by example. This is one way to teach your baby what you want.
There is another equally important way - to respect and love your children. The issue is based on reciprocity. Therefore, if you do not respect the boundaries of his personal space, for example, then do not expect your son to be respectful of your personal space. You, as an adult, show how to behave.
Confidence. Probably the most important moment in education. Do you trust your baby? Can't stop worrying about him and sometimes even go crazy? Then the article “” is especially for you. Your excessive care and concern can only make things worse. Give children space and freedom of choice. This, in turn, will help you develop the right attitude towards responsibility.
After all, when a person knows how to take responsibility and is not afraid to answer for his actions and words, then he treats others with great respect. He understands how much effort this or that action costs. When you appreciate your child’s actions, then he will learn to respect the work of adults.
For example, if he made a craft, tried to help you, albeit not very skillfully, made a gift for you, put the toys back in their place - evaluate his actions, show that this is important to you and you are grateful to the child for his help. Ask him to help more and share household responsibilities. Say “thank you” more often.
Know how to thank your children, then they will reciprocate your feelings.
What are you talking about
Another way to help your child learn to respect his family is to get together more often, talk about all relatives, and tell stories from their past. How much do you know about your family tree? What do you know about your elders? The book by Satenik Anastasyan will help you a lot in this matter. My Family Book».
The idea is for the baby to get to know his family better. Not only about mom and dad, but also grandma, aunt, uncle, cousin or cousin. In a playful way, you write down information, stories, stick photos and just communicate. You can diversify the book by adding a separate page about your child’s favorite teacher, for example. Or make a similar album for his friends.
Some more useful tips. Be sincerely interested in children's opinions. For example, you want to renovate your apartment. Don't leave your children indifferent. Find out what color they want to paint the walls in their room. How they would arrange the furniture in the living room and so on.
Or you want to go on vacation with the whole family. Don't make this decision with your husband alone. Ask your child what he would like to do during the holidays.
Don't take his things without asking. If you just take his toy, phone or diary, you will thereby show your disrespect for his things, and therefore for him. Just ask him to give you what you want. This is the only way you will show the boundaries of personal and other people’s space, which must also be respected.
If you punish your child for something, then explain in great detail why and for what. Tell us what behavior you expected from him, what went wrong and how he can improve the situation in the future. Just putting it in a corner is the worst choice.
What does your relationship with your spouse look like? How do you communicate with other members of your family?
Be patient. Education is a long and difficult process. But your efforts will definitely bear fruit. Best wishes to you!
Good afternoon, our dear visitors!
The behavior of our children is a reflection of our spiritual life. “By their fruits you will know them. Do they gather grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” (Matt. 7:16). If children show disobedience towards their parents, it means that the parents themselves, at one time, did not listen to their parents.
Children see us every day, hear how we talk, how we communicate with the people around us, how we experience adversity, how we rejoice, how we are sad - children see all this and become the same as us.
If we don’t have a drop of patience, then our children will be impatient; if we scream for any reason, then the children will scream to get their way; if we do not care about our neighbor, then our children will be indifferent to us.
Nothing educates children better than our personal example. We can teach them the right actions and good manners as much as we want, but if we ourselves do not follow our words, then it would be better for us not to say them, otherwise the children will not only not follow our instructions, but will also lose all respect for us as hypocrites and idle talkers.
Words that are not confirmed by deeds are an empty phrase; just like raising children with words alone is a waste of time. If a mother loses her son's respect, he will never listen to her. If a father does not combine his actions with his instructions, then the daughter will never obey such a father.
When parents are saddened by the bad behavior of their children, then first of all, they should not strive to change their children - but to change themselves, to change their lives. We must live up to our moral teachings and instructions that we present to our children, otherwise the children will never listen to us, and we will forever lose contact with them.
It should be remembered that children initially have a very high standard for the behavior of their parents; in other words, children tend to idealize the behavior of their parents. For every child, his dad or his mother is initially the best in the world, and if parents want to see their children obedient, then they should always strive to be an ideal in everything for their children. So it turns out that we raise children - and children raise us!
Let us remember the mother of St. John Chrysostom. His father, Secundus, died shortly after the birth of his son. All worries about raising John fell on his mother, Anfusa. Having lost her husband at a very young age (she was then about twenty years old), she did not marry again and devoted all her strength to raising John.
As we see from the saint’s biography, his mother, having become a widow at such a young age, devoted all her strength to raising John. This great woman did not think about herself, did not rush around in search of her personal happiness - but devoted all her strength to raising her only son! And what is the result!
When our whole life is in the constant field of view of our children, then, willy-nilly, we have to live the way our children expect from us. And if parents want to see their children decent, obedient and well-mannered, then such parents must, first of all, always live up to their own words, and also try to always live up to the high standard of moral perfection set for them by their own children.
Coherence and solidarity of all family members are important, since unity of opinions and harmony of relationships unites the family into a strong, inextricable union in which both adults and children feel comfortable.
Raising respect for parents in children does not mean that children should learn to be hypocritical, that is, in the presence of their parents, behave decently and well-mannered, and when their parents are not around, they should immediately change and behave cheekily and indecently.
It is easiest to raise children's respect for their parents in a cultural environment where the family does not yell at each other, does not swear, and often says “thank you” and “please.” And if they make any comments, then only in a tactful form.
Children do not always feel the boundaries of what is permitted, so it is necessary to set clear and understandable restrictions on what children are allowed and what is not.
Rudeness and rudeness towards adults cannot go unnoticed, and it is necessary to immediately make it clear to the child that such behavior towards adults, including one’s own parents, is absolutely unacceptable.
You should avoid using jargon, rude words and obscene expressions in your speech, especially in the presence of your children; Children should also be taught to call other people’s adults “you” and not to get involved in adult conversations.
It is necessary to ensure that the child is always polite with adults, with teachers, with grandparents, who often spoil their grandchildren so much that they allow them to sit on their necks.
Parents should teach their children to show gratitude, mercy, responsiveness, sacrifice and compassion. It is important to teach boys from childhood to give up their seat for their mother, help carry packages, open and hold the door to the entrance, letting their mother go first, give their mother a hand when getting off the bus, and help put on a coat. Dad should say something good to mom more often in front of the children, make pleasant surprises for mom with them, and give gifts.
Mom needs to tell her children more about herself, about her childhood, about her school, about her friends. We must strive to spend as much free time as possible with our children, read with them poems, fairy tales, legends, stories and tales that glorify maternal love, and after reading, be sure to discuss moments that are incomprehensible to children.
And the most important thing that parents should do so that their children grow up well-mannered, obedient and decent, and make their parents happy - they must always pray to God for them, because what is impossible for man is possible for God!
Recently I watched a scene in transport. A mother of about 35-38 years old was talking to her teenage daughter. More precisely, she tried to talk, but in response from her dear blood she received only irritation and very unpleasant attacks.
“Yeah, tell me that you would wear this yourself and walk around in it!” “Oh, I should have shut up already.” “Stop messing with my brain already!”
Respect equals safety
To be honest, as I listened to this young schoolgirl insult her mother, several times I wanted to intervene in the conversation and put her in her place. I could barely contain myself. After all, this is someone else’s relationship, and my intervention would not have changed anything. Such things take years to form; you can’t fix them in a minute.
We often talk about love between children and parents, but it seems to me that an equally important component of our relationships in the family is mutual respect.
It is out of respect for the parents that the child will not allow too frivolous treatment of them, will not be rude or rude, even if he does not agree with their opinion, will not put them in an awkward position in front of strangers, and most importantly, will not offend them with his words and behavior.
In a family where everyone treats each other with respect, you feel comfortable and safe. You can really say about such a family: “my home is my fortress.”
And vice versa, there is no respect - and there seems to be some kind of threat hanging in the air. Everyone is forced to be on guard in order to be able to react “with dignity” in the event of another attack.
And what about love?
Can a person love but not respect? It’s a paradox, but this happens, and it is increasingly becoming a distinctive feature of our time.
Daughters and sons can hug and kiss you in one minute, saying how much they love you and what a good mother you are. And the next minute - they will snap back, call you names, or simply mockingly and disrespectfully speak about your views or principles.
I think that love is also under a big question mark. This is love with signs of selfishness and consumerism. It’s good to love when people indulge you in everything and agree with you in everything. Well, as soon as one of the parents makes a remark, it seems that love is hiding behind the wall.
“It’s all television’s fault!”
Someone might say: how can there not be a disrespectful attitude when there are a lot of stories and films all around, both on television and on the Internet, where children are smart, and mom and dad are fools? Will you really respect such parents?
I can't completely agree with this. I know several wonderful families where they have both a TV and a computer with a connection to the World Wide Web, but the children in them are very respectful of their parents. And the media couldn’t spoil them.
So, then, you can’t blame everything on “pernicious influence”? 
“But we didn’t teach them bad things!”
Words, words, words... Look how much and often we say something to our children. We teach, read morals, “educate” - and hope that sooner or later this will bring results. But why are there still no results?
In relation to lessons, this means that until the student learns to solve the problems in his notebook, no teacher’s explanations on how to solve them will help him.
And in relation to the family, this means that we can talk about respect from morning to night, but if we don’t do it ourselves, then our children won’t learn it either.
As always, just a personal example
Yes, it turns out that we again come to a truth that has been known to us for a long time: set an example, and the children will follow it.
If we come home from work and angrily tell how we were unfairly offended, the child hears this and learns not to respect his bosses.
If we come home from the store and are indignant at how we have been bullied once again, the child learns not to respect the sellers.
If we are pushed on the bus and we grumble or swear with displeasure in front of our child, our child receives another lesson in disrespect.
If a child comes home from school and starts complaining about his teacher, and we support him and assent, “yes, they are all like that, these teachers,” then we are teaching the child not only to disrespect the school teacher, but also ourselves.
We can teach forgiveness and respect
But you can think, feel and speak completely differently. You can use your words to show that we forgive others for their mistakes or shortcomings, thereby demonstrating respect for them.
If you step on your foot, smile and say in response: “It’s okay! It’s hard not to step in such a crowd!”
They weighed it in the store, and you noticed - with a smile and without superiority, you softly say: “Oh, I sympathize, you have to work with such old scales! After all, you can involuntarily weigh someone down.”
And say to the child about the teacher: “But you know how difficult it is for her to manage all of you!” She’s already great for agreeing to work with you. If I were her, I would have run away from you slackers a long time ago!”
“Do you respect me?”
And one last thing. If we are to be completely frank, will each of us say with a clear conscience that we ourselves have never committed actions or spoken words that showed our disrespect for children?
“You, lazy person (boob, lazybones, klutz) always scatter everything (break it, drop it), and then I have to go clean it up (fix it, buy a new one) after you!” “Where do your hands grow from?” “Well, yes, where can I get good grades with your intelligence?”
So we get what we threw into the air as a boomerang. Our disrespect for children is their disrespect for us.
I think many of us have something to think about and something to change in our relationships with children, with others, and in general in our attitude towards this world. Then children will respect both us and other adults.
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