The love and joy of a truly loving relationship in life too often seems like an unattainable fairy tale to us. But each of us is capable of loving, being loved and creating such relationships in our lives. There are universal laws according to which everything in nature and everything in life is arranged, and in these laws there are the secrets of true life - eternal principles expressed by ancient sages and respected even today by doctors and psychologists all over the world.
The ten practical techniques described in this little book to help create love in your life deserve ten thick volumes, and yet they are absolutely enough to use them and succeed in finding the most important person in your life, in establishing loving relationships with others you people.
The first secret of True Love is the POWER OF THOUGHT:
- Love begins with thoughts,
- We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create a loving life and loving relationships.
- Positive affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others.
- If you want to love someone, you need to take into account his needs and desires.
- Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him when you meet him.
The second secret of True Love is the POWER OF RESPECT:
- To love someone, learn to respect him first.
- First of all, you need to respect yourself.
- To gain self-respect, ask yourself: “What do I respect about myself?”
- To gain respect for others - even those you don't like - ask yourself: "What do I respect about them?"
The third secret of True Love is the POWER OF GIVING:
- If you want to receive love, you just need to give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive.
- To love means to give a part of yourself, without payment or reservations.
- Practice showing kindness just for the sake of it.
- Before entering into a relationship, ask yourself not what the other person can give you, but what you can give him.
- The secret formula for a happy, lifelong love relationship is to always pay attention not to what you can take, but to what you can give.
The fourth secret of True Love is the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP:
- To find true love, you must first find a true friend.
- Loving means not looking at each other, but looking at the world together in the same direction.
- To truly love someone, you need to love them for who they are, not what they look like.
- Friendship is the soil on which the seeds of love grow.
- If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret of True Love is the POWER OF TOUCH:
- Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and strengthening relationships.
- Touch changes physical and emotional states and makes people more receptive to love.
- Touch can help heal the body and warm the heart.
- When you open your arms, you open your heart.
The sixth secret of True Love is the POWER OF THE PRINCIPLE OF “GIVING FREEDOM”:
- If you love someone, set him free. If he comes back to you, he is yours, if not, he was never yours.
- Even in truly loving relationships, people need their own space.
- If you want to learn to love, you first need to learn to forgive and free yourself from past grievances and sorrows.
- Love means freeing yourself from fears, prejudices, ego and reservations.
- “Today I am freed from all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life.”
The seventh secret of True Love is the POWER OF COMMUNICATION:
- When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes.
- Loving someone means communicating with him.
- Let people know that you love them and appreciate them.
- Never be afraid to say those three magic words: “I love you.”
- Never miss an opportunity to praise someone.
- Always leave a word of love for the one you love - maybe this is the last time you see him.
- If you were going to die soon and could call the people you love, who would you call, what would you say and... why aren't you doing it right now?
The eighth secret of True Love is the POWER OF DEVOTION:
- For love to be true, you need to be devoted to it, and this devotion will be reflected in thoughts and actions.
- Devotion is the real test of love.
- To have a truly loving relationship, you need to be committed to that relationship.
- When you are committed to someone or something, leaving is not an option.
- Commitment distinguishes strong relationships from fragile ones.
The ninth secret of True Love is the POWER OF PASSION:
- Passion ignites love and does not allow it to fade. Lasting passion is created through not only physical attraction, but also deep devotion, enthusiasm, interest and joyful excitement.
- Passion can be recreated by recreating past situations when you felt passion.
- Spontaneity and surprises create passion.
- The essence of love and happiness is one; you just need to live every day with passion.
The tenth secret of True Love is the POWER OF TRUST:
- Trust is vital to a truly loving relationship. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fears, while another feels emotionally trapped and cannot breathe freely.
“It’s impossible to truly love someone if you don’t trust them completely.”
- Act in such a way that the relationship with your loved one never ends.
- One way to decide if a person is right for you is to ask yourself: “Do I trust him completely and without reservation?” If the answer is no, think carefully before making a commitment.
INTRODUCTION
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or heard... but they are felt with the heart.
Helen Keller
We all passionately desire love and loving relationships, perhaps more than anything else, and we all long for that special relationship. Why then do so many people live alone, searching, hoping, but rarely finding what they want? If we desire love above all else, why is there an unprecedented increase in divorce and broken families? Why are there so many single parents trying to raise their children on their own? Why is it that in crowded cities, many people feel so lonely, so isolated? Maybe we are looking for love in the wrong places?
Contrary to popular belief, love is not the result of fate or luck, it does not “come and go”, we create it... and each of us has the ability to create it. Each of us has the ability to love and be loved, each of us has the ability to create relationships in which the main thing is love. It doesn't matter how we live now. - Whether alone or trapped in an unhappy, stale relationship, life can change, and we are the ones who can change it.
Unlike many other parables, many of the characters in this book are prototypes of real people, although their names, of course, have been changed. I hope their stories will inspire you as they have inspired me, and serve as a reminder that life can be all that it is meant to be—filled with joy, wonder, and an abundance of love.
Adam Jackson
Hertfordshire, July 1995
WEDDING GUEST
You probably wouldn't notice it; none of the other two hundred guests paid him any attention. He sat alone at a table in the far corner of the room; a young man of about thirty, of average height, build and appearance, dressed, like most of the other men in the room, in a black tuxedo.
However, he felt that he stood out too much sitting alone. All the other guests who had been sitting at his table during the meal were now dancing, and since the young man was naturally shy and came alone, without a girlfriend, he decided to stay at the table and watch the party.
By any standards, it was a magnificent reception, with no expense spared. Champagne cocktails were followed by a six-course dinner. Between courses, guests danced to the music of a cheerful seven-piece jazz ensemble. The place itself was quite spectacular - the "Royal Banquet Hall" of one of the most first-class hotels in the city center. And yet, despite all this splendor, the young man was not happy about what was happening. He had never been particularly sociable and had a different idea of entertainment than being in the same room with two hundred strangers. The only person he knew in the room was the groom, an old friend whom he had not seen for many years. He was even surprised that he was invited here at all.
He looked at his friend. He danced, holding his bride in his arms. They looked so happy together, and the young man couldn't help but envy them and wonder if this would ever happen to him.
“Why is it so,” he thought to himself, “that other people get married, build families and have children, but I cannot maintain a relationship with a girl for more than a few months?” It wasn't that he had a hard time finding girls to date; the problem was finding the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Sometimes the very thought of it overwhelmed him. He imagined that there must be something wrong with him if he was unable to form lasting and meaningful relationships. And sometimes he told himself that he was simply unlucky. Maybe, as his friends told him, this is all a matter of chance. Love is either written in the stars or it isn't. And nothing can be done to change the destiny - it will either come one day or not.
There was only one occasion, two years ago, when he thought he was seriously in love, but even that affair lasted only three months. Then it was impossible to console him, he was completely devastated, and could neither eat nor sleep for several weeks. And after this incident, he was determined to never allow anyone to hurt him like that.
As he sat and watched all the couples in the room - how some sat holding hands and laughed, while others danced and sang - he told himself that it was better to be single. After all, how often do relationships truly last? How often do people stay together? If he remained single, at least he would not have to endure the pain of separation and loss. He has independence, he is free, he can go anywhere, anytime.
But, looking around the room, the young man saw something that disrupted his train of thought, reminded him that love is possible and that long-lasting, truly loving relationships do exist - in the center of the dance floor there was an elderly couple, they were dancing, hugging each other, and smiled, looking into each other's eyes. Watching them dance, he asked himself the question, maybe, by some miracle, there was someone out there waiting for him.
MEETING
-Are you here alone?
The young man turned around and saw an elderly Chinese man next to him. He was short, with gray hair framing his bald head, and large, smiling brown eyes that lit up his face when he smiled. Like most of the other men in Komi, he was dressed in a black tuxedo and a white shirt with a black bowtie.
“Yes, I’m alone,” answered the young man, smiling, the answer to the old man.
“Me too,” said the old man. - Is it okay if I join you?
“Be my guest,” answered the young man.
- A wonderful wedding, isn’t it?
“Well, if you like such things...” said the young man.
- Why don’t you like the wedding celebration? - asked the old man.
- It's all just a comedy these days, isn't it? - said the young man, leaning back in his chair.
- What exactly? - asked the Chinese.
- Marriage..
“Marriage is a comedy only if two people don’t love each other,” said the old man.
- Love! - exclaimed the young man. - What is love? People fall in love and fall out of love all the time. Either they are devoted to each other, or they cannot stand each other. If you ask me, said the young man, love is undeservedly valued so highly; it only causes pain and suffering.
“It’s easy to be cynical,” answered the old man, “but I assure you that there can be no greater mistake in life than being cynical about love.”
- Why? - he asked.
“Believe me,” said the old man, “when you reach the end of your life, the only thing that will matter is the love you gave and received.” On your journey to the next world, the only thing you can take with you is love. The only valuable thing you will leave in this world is love. Nothing else. I have known people who easily endured many difficulties in their lives and were happy, but I have never met a person who could endure life without love.
“That’s why love is the greatest gift in life,” the old man explained. - It gives meaning to life. It is because of her that life is worth living.
“I’m not sure about that,” muttered the young man, turning away.
- Why? - asked the old man.
The young man was silent for a moment before answering.
- You know, I think... It seems to me that falling in love is a romantic myth. We are all led to believe that one day we will meet someone and fall in love, but this rarely happens. And if it does happen, it won’t be for long.
“Ah... I understand,” said the old man. - Of course, you are absolutely right. Falling in love is a romantic myth!
The young man turned to the old man.
“Wait a minute,” he said. - It seemed to me...
“Love does not come to us on its own,” the old man continued, smiling. - We create it, and each of us has the ability to create it. People make the mistake of thinking that they are "falling in love", they imagine that one day they will be walking down the street, see someone and - boom! But this is not love.
- What is this? - asked the young man.
- Physical attraction, infatuation. Just not love. Of course, love can develop from mutual physical attraction, but true love cannot be only physical. To love - to truly love - you need to understand a person, you need to know him and respect him. You need to sincerely care about his well-being. It's like apple pie.
- What are you trying to say? - asked the young man.
- Do you think you can tell the taste of an apple pie just by looking at it? - answered the old man.
- I think no. I would like to try it.
- Certainly. In other words, you need to find out what he is like not only on the outside, but also on the inside, don’t you agree?
-Yes.
“The same applies to people,” the old man explained. - It is impossible to determine what kind of person is in front of you just by appearance. To truly love someone, you need to see them from the inside - their nature, spirit or soul. There is something that cannot be seen with the eyes. In Love with a capital L, the most important thing can be seen only with the heart.
This is why long-lasting love relationships are not accidental, they do not just happen, they are not the result of luck. They are nurtured and built.
- How? - the young man demanded an answer.
“When I was a boy, my mother taught me the golden rule of love,” the old man explained. “It’s very simple,” she said, “if you want to be loved, love yourself.”
Each of us has the ability to love, be loved, and create truly loving relationships in our lives. That's why it's so sad if someone chooses to live without it.
- How can you say that? - objected the young man, turning to the old man. - How can someone choose to live without love?
The old man looked straight into the young man's eyes and answered:
- Some people choose not to love so as not to experience the pain that comes with separation and loss.
The young man felt his face turn red and his throat tighten at these words. He felt awkward, as if the old man had read his thoughts.
“I assure you,” said the old man, “that love is possible for everyone, but here you need to make a choice.”
The old man nodded at a couple at the next table who were arguing excitedly.
- Here is a good example; two people who prefer to win an argument rather than win in love. Life is full of choices. We can make a choice: to be right or to be loved; we can choose to forgive or take revenge; we can make a choice - to be alone or in society. These are all elections. People who do not have love in this life very often - consciously or subconsciously - choose their life situation themselves.
- Do people choose their own life situation? - repeated the young man.
- Certainly. No matter what stage of life you are at, no matter what your life situation is, it is what it is because you chose it. Whether you are single or not, happy or unhappy, there is one reason and one reason only - you chose it yourself. And only you can change this!
Many people make the mistake of thinking that they can only have love in their life if they find it in someone else. They believe that they will experience love as soon as that one person appears in their life. In fact, they will never find love in the people around them until they find it in themselves first.
We get from life what we give to it ourselves. It is not relationships that bring us love, but we that bring love into relationships. When we learn to love, relationships filled with love are inevitably born. This is why everyone can love and be loved, and everyone - no matter what their circumstances in life - can create truly loving relationships.
“Maybe so,” said the young man, “but you still have to be lucky to meet someone suitable, right?” Well, you know, the kind of person who attracts you.
“Luck doesn’t play a role here,” said the old man.
- Okay, so it’s fate. The old man smiled.
- Fate can lend a helping hand, and usually it does, but you also have to play your part. You are unlikely to meet anyone while sitting alone in the corner of the room, you need to get up for that to happen.
“It’s not always so simple,” the young man objected.
“Nobody says it’s easy,” answered the old man. - But if you want love, you need to put aside your fears and take advantage of the opportunities that life gives you.
- What are these opportunities? - asked the young man.
“In my country there is an old story about a man who was visited one night by an angel and told him about great things that lay ahead for him: he would have the opportunity to acquire great wealth, earn a worthy position in society and marry a beautiful woman.
All his life this man waited for promised miracles, but nothing happened, and in the end he died alone and in poverty. When he reached the gates of heaven, he saw the angel who visited him many years ago and declared to him:
"You promised me great wealth, a worthy position in society and a beautiful wife. All my life I waited... but nothing happened."
“That’s not what I promised you,” the angel replied. “I promised you opportunities for wealth, a high position in society and a meeting with a beautiful woman who could become your wife, but you missed them.”
The man was puzzled.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said.
“Do you remember that time you had an idea for a risky business venture, but you were afraid of failure and didn’t take action?” - asked the angel.
The man nodded.
"Because you refused to carry it out, the idea was given a few years later to another man who did not let his fears stop him, and if you remember, he became one of the richest men in the kingdom."
“And remember,” said the angel, “there was a case when a big earthquake shook the city, destroying many houses, and thousands of people could not get out from under the rubble. You had the opportunity to help find and save the surviving people, but you were afraid, that in your absence looters would break into your house and steal all your property, so you ignored calls for help and stayed at home.”
The man nodded, remembering his shameful act.
“This was your great opportunity to save hundreds of human lives, so you would be respected by all the survivors in the city,” said the angel.
"And you remember a woman, a beautiful red-haired woman, whom you really liked. She was not like anyone else you had seen before or since, but you thought that she would never agree to marry someone like you, and, afraid of being rejected, you walked past her"?
The man nodded again, but now there were tears in his eyes.
“Yes, my friend,” said the angel, “she would become your wife, with her you would be lucky enough to have many wonderful children, and with her you would be truly happy all your life.”
We are all surrounded by opportunities like these every day—among them the opportunities of love—but often, like the man in this story, we allow fear to prevent us from taking advantage of them.
- Fear? - the young man repeated questioningly.
- Yes. Fear. We don't reach out to others for fear of rejection, we don't talk about our feelings for fear of ridicule, and we don't commit ourselves to another person for fear of the pain of loss.
The young man couldn't help but remember all the times his fear of rejection had prevented him from talking to the girls he liked. He took a deep breath, frustrated by all the missed opportunities.
“But,” the old man continued, “we have one advantage over the man from this story.”
- Which? - muttered the young man.
- We're still alive. We can start to take advantage of these opportunities. We can create our own opportunities.
The young man saw that much of what the old Chinese was talking about applied directly to him. He always believed that love and truly loving relationships are a matter of luck or fate. You either meet such a person or you don’t. You notice someone, you immediately like her and you fall in love. He thought that this was exactly what happened, but now, after listening to the old man, he was no longer so sure.
The old Chinese man stood up.
- It is impossible to create a truly loving relationship if you do not learn to love yourself. Once you become loving, relationships will inevitably come.
“And you claim that everyone can learn to love,” said the young man.
“Of course,” the old man smiled. - Loving is the most natural state in the world - loving yourself, loving others and loving life. Whatever the circumstances, whatever the situation in life, each of us has the ability to love and be loved, and to enjoy true love. You just need to know the secrets.
- What secrets?
- Secrets of True Love.
- Secrets of True Love? - said the young man. - What it is?
- The secrets of True Love were first communicated to people by ancient sages thousands of years ago. These are ten principles with which you can create in your life not just love, but such an abundance of love that it will be with you throughout your life.
- You must be joking? - said the young man. -Are you saying that everyone can find love and loving relationships?
- No. “I affirm that everyone can create love and true loving relationships,” answered the old man.
- Why are you so sure of this? - asked the young man.
- If I clap my hands, will they make a sound? If I push this table, will it move? There are laws of Nature, universal laws that govern everything - from the movement of waves to the sunset. Everything obeys precise, unmistakable laws. Scientists have discovered many of these laws - the laws of physics, the laws of motion, the laws of gravity. But there are other laws - laws related to human nature, health, happiness and... there are laws related to love.
- Laws related to love? - exclaimed the young man. - If there are such, as you say, “laws,” then why don’t we know anything about them?
- Because sometimes we lose our way in life. Sometimes we get discouraged and disappointed, we forget and need a reminder.
“Without love in life,” said the old gentleman, “the world would be a very cold and dull place.” But when there is love, the world becomes a paradise. Thornton Wilder, one of the great American writers, wrote: “There is a country of the living, and there is a country of the dead, the bridge between them is love... the only way to survive, the only meaning.” Stick to the secrets of True Love and you will discover this meaning, completely changing your world and your life.
- How? - asked the young man.
The old man smiled and handed the young man a piece of paper. The young man looked carefully at the piece of paper, but there was only a list of ten names of telephone numbers. He turned it over, expecting something more, but the other side was clean.
- What is this? - he said and looked up, but... the old man was no longer there. The young man stood up and looked around the room, he even stood on a chair for a better view, but the old man was nowhere to be seen. He waited at the table, still expecting the old man to return, but after half an hour he realized that he would not see the old Chinese that evening.
Before leaving, the young man said goodbye to the bride and groom. After thanking them for the invitation and wishing them all the best, he asked if any of them knew the old Chinese. The newlyweds were sure that there was no Chinese on the guest list. The young man concluded that the Chinese man must have been a waiter, so on his way out he asked the head waiter where he could find one of the waiters, an elderly Chinese man. But the head waiter had also never heard of such a person, and no one who fit that description worked for him.
The young man was intrigued. Who was the old Chinese? Where? And what are these secrets of True Love that he spoke of? As he left the wedding reception, clutching a piece of paper with ten names and ten phone numbers in his hand, he knew there was only one way to find out.
Secret one: THE POWER OF THOUGHT
The next day the young man called all the people on the list. He was nervous and very embarrassed that he was calling complete strangers and asking them about the “secrets of True Love.” But to his surprise, they all knew what he was talking about and were sincerely glad that he called. He agreed to meet with each of them in turn over the next few weeks.
The young man was especially curious to meet the first person on the list. Dr. Hugo Paccia was a retired sociology professor well known in academic circles for his outspoken views on human relations. He has written several best-selling books on the subject and has been frequently invited to appear on radio and television interviews. The essence of Dr. Pachia's arguments was that humanity, in pursuit of scientific and economic progress, ignores the most important thing in life. He often quoted an ancient Cree prophecy:
Only when the last tree is cut down
Only when the last river is poisoned
Only when the last fish is caught
Only then does it turn out that money is inedible.
Dr. Pachia was a large, sociable man of about sixty-five. He had broad shoulders, flowing gray hair and a kind, almost boyish face that made him look twenty years younger. He greeted the young man with wide open arms, hugging him like a long-awaited friend. The young man did not know how to react. He wasn't used to hugging complete strangers; to tell the truth, he was not used to hugging anyone, not even his close relatives. The greeting was usually limited to a rather discreet handshake.
- So you met the old man yesterday? - Dr. Pachia said, inviting the young man to sit down. - How is he? - he asked.
“I think it’s just great,” the young man answered, sitting down. - Who is he? Where is he from?
- I know no more than you. I only met him once, and that was over thirty years ago. But he completely changed my attitude towards teaching and life.
I met him shortly after I started teaching at the university. I was appointed supervisor of six groups of fifth-year students. Three months into the semester, I noticed that one of the students was missing. She was a pretty, cheerful and intelligent young girl, and her work showed her sensitive sensibilities. She hadn't been to class for over two weeks; I asked the students who were sitting next to her if maybe they knew where she was. You won't believe it, but not only did they not know this, none of them even cared. They didn't even know her name!
That day, after class, I went to the administrator to find out where the student was and why she was not going to class. “Sorry, I thought you knew,” the receptionist said, pulling me aside. He took me into his office and told me that a student had committed suicide two weeks ago. This beautiful young girl jumped from the roof of a ten-story building.
I sat in the waiting room, shocked by the news, wondering what could have driven a student with such great potential to commit suicide. I don’t know how long I sat until I noticed him sitting next to me.
- Who? - interrupted the young man.
“Old Chinese,” said Dr. Pachia. “He asked what was bothering me, and I told him the story. He sat silently for several moments, and then turned to me and said something that I will never forget.
“You know,” he said, “we teach students to read and write, add and subtract, we teach them what we think is the basis of a good education, but we do not pay attention to the most important thing ... how to love.”
His words sounded like a thunderclap to me. I felt it intuitively, but could not express it in words. We talked about love and life, and from this old man I first heard about the secrets of True Love - about ten eternal principles with which you can bring love into your life and into the lives of those around you.
- So you are saying that these “secrets” really help? - interrupted the young man.
“Yes, they helped me, and I have hundreds of students who can confirm that these secrets helped them too,” Dr. Pachia explained.
- It sounds incredible; “too good to be true,” said the young man. - I want to say that if it is so simple, then why don’t all people use them?
“That’s a good question,” Dr. Pachia replied. - Deep down, everyone wants love most of all, but sometimes we probably just forget about it. We stray towards achieving other goals - career, money and wealth. We strive for relaxation and entertainment and lose sight of the most important things in life - and what could be more important than love?
The young man wrote something down on a notepad as Dr. Pachia continued.
- Before leaving, the old Chinese man handed me a piece of paper on which there was a list of names and phone numbers. Over the next few weeks, I met with each of these people and they taught me simple, practical ways to live a loving life. These are ways in which you can learn to build long-lasting, loving relationships. All ten secrets of True Love are equally important, but of them all, the one that has impacted my life the most is... the power of thought.
- Thoughts? - repeated the young man.
- Yes. It is a simple but undeniable fact: we become what we think about. If you have evil thoughts, you experience anger, if you have happy thoughts, you experience joy, if you have happy thoughts, you experience happiness... and if your thoughts are full of love, you experience love. Change your thoughts and you will change your experiences. It's very simple. The young man raised his eyebrows.
- It's easy to say, but it's hardly as easy to implement.
- You are right, it is not always easy, and that is why there is a saying: “Great is the one who conquers cities, but truly great is the one who conquers himself.” But it's possible. We all choose our thoughts, but from childhood we are taught to choose the wrong thoughts. We are taught to judge other people, to be prejudiced against those who are different from us. Children don't care about differences in religion or skin color, they just see people. Love the child and the child will love you, because it is part of the nature of people to love each other. The problem is that a child's perception of love is mainly determined by his parents.
- What do you have in mind? - asked the young man.
- After all, the way parents treat each other and their children creates the basis for the child’s perception of love. If children are constantly yelled at and spanked, they will inevitably assume that it is acceptable behavior for loving people to yell at and hit others. This is why it is often necessary to relearn what love really is and what it means to treat others with love. You need to change your beliefs and principles about love.
- But how can you change something that has been brought up for years?
- You need to start by changing your principles of belief, and therefore your thoughts, with the help of positive statements (affirmations).
- What is a positive statement?
- A positive affirmation is a statement that you say to yourself out loud or silently that, if repeated often enough, will change your thoughts and beliefs. For example, if you feel like you can't have a lasting love relationship, you can start by saying:
"I create love in my life by loving others. Today, I will treat everyone I meet with love."
“I easily have relationships filled with love.”
Or: “I am capable of creating love in my life.” And if you do not believe that you will ever find your ideal partner or close friend, you can say: “My ideal partner will appear in my life at the right time and in the right place.”
Affirmations change thoughts and subconscious beliefs, thoughts determine actions, actions make up behavior, and behavior determines destiny.
- How often do you need to repeat a positive affirmation for it to take effect? - asked the young man, intrigued by this technique.
- As often as possible. Some people even write down these statements and stick them in visible places, such as in their cars or on the refrigerator door, so that they can be seen and read at all times. Although the minimum is three times a day: once in the morning, after waking up, once in the afternoon and once again before going to bed.
- So, in order to change your thoughts, you only need to repeat statements? - said the young man.
- No. Affirmations help change subconscious beliefs, but you also need to consciously understand what love means to you and what it means to love someone. This seems quite obvious, but in my experience, very few people pay attention to it. For example, how would you answer this question?
The young man paused.
- Hmm... well... how to say... loving someone means taking care of him, being there when he needs you, helping him.
“Great,” said Dr. Pachia. - In other words, act based on the greatest good for him. But can you do this - take care of someone, help him - if you don't first think about what he needs?
- No. Probably not.
- This means that if we want to love someone or something, first of all, we need the most important thing - to think about him and take into account his needs and desires.
“At the beginning of my career,” continued Dr. Pachia, “in my naivety, I believed that teachers should teach subjects - be it mathematics, physics, geography or sociology - but I soon learned that a good teacher does not teach subjects, he teaches students . Each student has his own needs, his own level and ways of understanding, and a good teacher takes this into account, otherwise students get bored or frustrated.
The same applies to life; If you want a truly loving relationship, you need to consider the needs of other people. And to do this, you need to put yourself in their place, you need to look at the world from their point of view. For example: Many people feel trapped in a loveless relationship and complain that their partner doesn't love them, but if a person asks himself, "What can I do for my partner?" instead of: “Why doesn’t he (or she) do this and that for me?”, then the partner will certainly feel that he is loved and will begin to love this person more.
“You see,” Dr. Pachia continued, “everything begins with a thought—loving thoughts lead to loving actions and loving experiences.”
“Yes, but there is one problem,” said the young man. - Thoughts will not help you find and create a love relationship.
“You might be surprised,” Dr. Pachia replied, “but quite the opposite, your thoughts will not only help you find such a relationship, they will also help you recognize the woman of your dreams when she appears in your life.”
“I don’t understand how this is possible,” said the young man.
- After all, everyone hopes to find that one special love that will last forever, don’t you agree? The young man nodded.
- So who is your one special love?
- I don't know. That’s my problem,” said the young man. - I don’t have one.
“Yes,” replied Dr. Pachia, “I assure you.” You just haven't met her yet. The problem is that when this girl comes into your life, how will you recognize her?
- How can you even know that the person you are dating is meant for you? - answered the young man.
“The only sure way I know,” said Dr. Pachia, “is to know who your ideal is before you meet him.” And the only way to do this is to think about the qualities that you need in a person.
- What qualities are you talking about exactly? - asked the young man.
- Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. For example: will she be blonde or brunette? Tall or short? What color will her eyes be? Or perhaps her physical qualities are not that important? What type of job, hobbies and interests might she have? Does she need to have certain spiritual beliefs? What about her temperament; Will she be an extrovert or an introvert? Does she need to be smart?
“I actually didn’t think too much about it,” the young man admitted. - Is it really that important?
“Of course,” Dr. Pachia assured. - If you don't know who you want to spend your life with, how are you going to know her when she comes along?
- But isn’t it clear immediately upon meeting whether it’s her or not? - objected the young man.
“Maybe this is understandable for some,” said Dr. Pachia, “but even such a person has created some kind of mental image of his ideal partner in advance.” Without thinking about the qualities of such a partner, you can easily be led astray by sexual attractiveness, infatuation, or simply fear of loneliness, and as a result end up with the wrong person.
For example, it may be important to you that your partner loves animals. You meet someone you like at first sight, but it soon turns out that she hates animals. Then you will know that no matter how sexually attracted you are to her, she is not your ideal partner.
You know, love is not blind, but lust and sexual attraction are blind; if you haven't thought about what you need in a partner, you could easily end up with someone completely incompatible. On the other hand, if you build a mental image of someone you'd like to spend your life with, you'll have a better chance of recognizing her when you meet her.
- But, perhaps, such an image of an imaginary partner imposes certain restrictions? - asked the young man. - That is, is it really possible to meet exactly the ideal partner?
Dr. Pachia smiled.
- This is not real at all... it’s inevitable! This is the essence of the power of thought - in order to attract something or someone into your life, you need to begin to imagine that they are already with you. Of course, some of the qualities in your description of an ideal partner may not be very important to you, but creating a mental image of an ideal partner will allow you to think about what qualities are for you really required.
It's like shopping at a department store. If you don't know what you want or what is important to you to buy, you can be easily influenced by advertising and you are more likely to buy something you don't need. You may come home without purchasing a single important item. But if you know in advance what you want, you will go straight to the appropriate section and buy it. The same thing happens in relationships; If you go through life without thinking about the qualities you want in a person, you may be influenced by physical or sexual attractiveness, and only later, when the attractiveness has faded, you discover that the chosen partner does not have any of the qualities that are important to you. But if you've thought about the qualities you want in a partner, you'll be more likely to recognize that person when you meet them.
The young man wrote something down on a notepad and Dr. Pachia continued.
- Love in life and relationships should not be a struggle; indeed, you need to work on it - if you want love, you need create her. And this, it seems to me, is the whole essence of the secrets of True Love; they all remind you of the essential things you need to work on to create love.
- And choosing the right thoughts is one of these things?
- Exactly! The ability to love and be loved, create lasting, truly loving relationships, and attract your ideal partner all begins with the power of thought.
That evening the young man summarized the notes he had jotted down at his meeting with Dr. Pachia.
The first secret of True Love is the power of thought.
Love begins with thoughts.
We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create a loving life and loving relationships.
Positive affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others.
If you want to love someone, you need to take into account their needs and desires.
Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him when you meet him.
The young man began to imagine what his ideal partner might be like - her appearance, her personality, what she liked and didn't like, her beliefs. When he closed his eyes, a clear image appeared; she was beautiful, slightly shorter than him, with shoulder-length golden brown hair, large green eyes and a charming smile. She was confident, kind and generous. She was smart, although not too serious, gentle and compassionate. She loved animals, cared about the environment and enjoyed the simple pleasures of life, such as walking in the woods and sitting next to a fire on a cold winter evening.
The young man wrote down these features on a piece of paper, leaned back in his chair and re-read them again.
“Hmm,” he muttered, “if only?” - He folded the piece of paper and carefully placed it on the bookshelf.
Secret two: THE POWER OF RESPECT
Second on the young man's list was Dr. Millie Hopkins. Dr. Hopkins was a professor of psychology at the city university - the first woman in the university's history to be appointed professor. She enjoyed great fame as a teacher and was greatly loved and respected by both students and staff.
It was clear from the intonation of her voice that she was glad the young man called. She insisted on finding some time the next day to meet with him. They agreed to meet at 5 pm in Dr. Hopkins's office at the university.
Despite her 64 years, Dr. Hopkins had the energy and enthusiasm of a first-year student. Her voice became animated and excited when the young man mentioned the old Chinese man.
She was a short, wide-hipped, well-built woman, elegantly dressed in a classic dark blue suit with a white blouse. She had shoulder-length golden brown hair pinned up at the back of her head. Her face, although wrinkled, was cordial and friendly.
“I met an old Chinese man about twenty years ago,” she told the young man. - Then I was a completely different person; I was a drug addicted tramp.
The young man's jaw dropped in surprise.
- You must be joking, right? - he asked nervously.
“Not at all,” she answered without the slightest hint of shame or embarrassment. “I ended up in the hospital many times due to a drug overdose, then I immediately returned to the street again, and everything repeated itself.
And then one day I woke up in a hospital bed after my bowels were washed out again, and the doctor was sitting next to me, holding my hand. He had a kind, gentle face and spoke to me softly with genuine concern. He was the first person who expressed any interest in me as a person. For the first time in so many years, someone spoke to me face to face, as a person. Therefore, I will never forget the old Chinese.
We talked for a long time. I told him what I had never told anyone before - about my family, my childhood, my life on the streets. About everything. And you know, just talking to him about all this, I felt better. He said that he had friends who would help me. He gave me their names and phone numbers and I met them. And thank God I met, because they showed me how to start living again.
- Do you mean the secrets of True Love? - asked the young man.
- Yes. I found out the main reason why there was no love in my life. I didn't love myself. That's why the second secret of True Love was so important to me... the power of respect.
You see, I didn't respect anyone or anything. And if you don’t respect, then you don’t love. To love someone or something, you must first respect it. And, above all, you need to respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself, you can't love yourself; and if you don’t love yourself, it’s very difficult to love others.
The young man wrote something down and Millie continued.
- And this was my biggest problem - I didn’t love or respect myself.
- Why?
“I think the source of this is my childhood,” Millie explained. - I was an illegitimate child. My mother got married when I was three years old. She was always ashamed of me, and my stepfather, for some reason unknown to me, openly hated me. I remember that when I was six years old, my mother hugged my sisters and I ran up to be hugged too. Suddenly I felt a strong push in my back and fell to the floor. I'll never forget my stepfather's face towering over me as he said, "She's the mother of my children now, you ugly bastard."
- And what did your mother say? - asked the young man.
He found it difficult to believe what he was hearing.
- Absolutely nothing. She didn't pay any attention to me and continued to deal with my sisters as if I wasn't there. Is it really hard to believe that parents can be so cruel?
But I assure you that I have met people whose parents did much more harm than me. I won’t say that I was beaten often, but I did not receive any love or tenderness. Anyway, my own parents ignored me and pushed me away.
I felt rejected, unloved, and that's why I hated life. You know, this is a common problem. Many people don't respect themselves. They don't like their appearance, voice, or intelligence, and so they lose self-respect and feel inferior to others. That's why I had to learn to respect and love myself before I could feel love from anyone else.
- But how did you learn to respect yourself? - asked the young man. - I don't think it will be easy.
Millie smiled.
- You're right. It's not always easy, but it can be done. You need to learn to accept yourself, value yourself, no matter what others say about you. We need to learn that everyone has their place on earth. Each of us is unique. Do you know, for example, that there has never been anyone exactly like you, and there will never be anyone exactly like you again? For this alone, anyone, every living person - rich or poor, black or white, man or woman - is worth respecting. There is a wonderful ancient saying in Judaism: “He who saves one soul saves the whole world.” This means that everyone is precious - whatever the color of their skin, whatever their religion - everyone has the right to live.
“This all sounds good in theory, but it looks a little different in practice,” said the young man.
“Of course, you can say that about everything,” Millie answered. - However, this does not mean that it is impossible. If I could do it, I'm sure everyone can. You just need to find that trait that you can respect in yourself and in others.
- What are you speaking about? - asked the young man.
- You see, our brain is an amazing machine, and even today, with the progress of modern medicine, we know only a small part of its capabilities. One of the incredible abilities of the brain is to find an answer to any question posed. So, for example, if you ask yourself what you respect and love about yourself, your brain will come up with answers. In fact, an old Chinese man asked me exactly this question. At first I answered that I didn’t respect anything and I didn’t like anything about myself.
And then he said:
"I know, but if there was something, what could it be?"
I thought about it some more and a few things came to mind. I knew that I had a bright mind, at school I was always at the top of my class, I respected the fact that I survived alone, and despite the desperate situation, I never robbed or deceived anyone. Gradually I began to feel better about myself.
The young man jotted down some notes in his notebook and then looked up at Dr. Hopkins.
- So asking yourself what I respect and love about myself is a way to develop and build self-respect.
In any case, it clearly helped me. And if it helped me, it can help anyone. Because when you ask, “What do I respect about myself?”, your brain will come up with answers.
- What if there is nothing?
- There is always something, and very often several things come to mind at once. For example, maybe you respect that you are honest, that you have a job, or that you exercise regularly. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you can find something that you respect about yourself. It's also useful to ask yourself this question about other people, especially those you don't like.
- Why? - asked the young man.
- Because then your mind will focus on what you respect about them, and not on what you don't like about them. And when this happens, you will learn to treat them with love.
- When you say “with love,” what do you mean?
- Treat them with kindness and consideration. “You often notice that many people treat others as nonentities,” Dr. Hopkins continued, “but in fact we all come from one Creator, we are all created in the likeness of God. One of the worst mistakes you can make in life is to underestimate the power of one individual. Everyone has the power to change the world, and in their own way they do change it a little. When we respect a person's true worth, we begin to treat them differently.
I remember when I was sleeping on the streets, one night I woke up in the front door to find a policeman urinating on my face.
- What! - exclaimed the young man. - How, how could he do this?
“Obviously, he felt only contempt for homeless people like me,” Dr. Hopkins replied. “He had no respect for me as a person, and I will never forget how he stood over me and laughed. It was a great joke for him.
I am convinced that most of the problems in the world arise because we lose respect - for ourselves, for other people, for life. As a result, we have no love. All over the world you can see the results of this - Arabs and Jews, blacks and whites, Protestants and Catholics - if only we respected each other's beliefs, we could begin to love each other.
Once you understand your own value, you can begin to understand and respect the value of other people. And when you respect someone, you can start loving them. For example, only when I learned to respect and love myself did I enjoy communicating with other people. It turned out that when I look for respectable traits in people, my attitude towards them changes and it is easier for me to treat them with love.
The young man smiled to himself as he took notes. It seemed so simple and so reasonable, but he had never really thought about the role of respect in creating love and loving relationships before.
“But tell me this,” he said. - How were you able to become a professor after living on the street?
Dr. Hopkins smiled.
- One of those who was on the old Chinese’s list turned out to be a nun. She was a wonderful person and did a lot to help me; she took me off the street and found me a place to live in a local monastery. We agreed so that I could live there, and in exchange I would do auxiliary work - cooking, working in the garden, cleaning. I did everything. And from the very first day I was accepted as one of the sisters, as a member of their family. They never considered me an insignificant drunkard or a degenerate woman; to them I was just a neighbor who needed help, and they gave it to me. It was a new experience for me - for the first time in my life I felt needed by someone.
And it was this nun who advised me to continue my education. She said that I was gifted with a wonderful mind and that I should use it. No one had ever encouraged me like this before. I went to night school. Everyone at the monastery supported my efforts, and after seven years I finally received my first class diploma with honors. The next year I received my master's degree, and three years later I was awarded my doctorate. It was the most wonderful and memorable day of my life. All the sisters from the convent came to the ceremony, and I will never forget the moment when my name was called and I walked up onto the stage to receive my diploma. When I was presented with my diploma, I turned to those who were in the gallery. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life; Twenty nuns stood smiling, applauding and whistling. And then, when I left the stage, I saw another person standing at the other end of the audience. It was an old Chinese man, he raised his hands to applaud me, and there was a smile on his face.
That evening, the young man summarized the notes he had taken during his meeting with Millie Hopkins:
The second secret of True Love is the power of respect.
To love someone, learn to respect him first.
First of all, you need to respect yourself.
To gain self-respect, ask yourself: “What do I respect about myself?”
To gain respect for others - even those you don't like - ask yourself, "What do I respect about them?"
The first secret of True Love is the power of thought
Love begins with thoughts.
We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create a loving life and loving relationships.
Positive affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others.
If you want to love someone, you need to take into account their needs and desires.
Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him when you meet him.
The second secret of True Love is the power of respect
To love someone, learn to respect him first.
First of all, you need to respect yourself.
To gain self-respect, ask yourself: “What do I respect about myself?”
To gain respect for others—even those you don't like—ask yourself, “What do I respect about them?”
The third secret of True Love is the power of giving
If you want to receive love, you just need to give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive.
To love means to give a part of yourself, without payment or reservations.
Practice showing kindness just for the sake of it. Before entering into a relationship, ask yourself not what the other person can give you, but what you can give him.
The secret formula for a lifetime of happy love relationships is to always focus not on what you can take, but on what you can give.
The Fourth Secret of True Love - The Power of Friendship
To find true love, you must first find a true friend.
Loving means not looking at each other, but looking at the world together in the same direction.
To truly love someone, you need to love them for who they are, not what they look like.
Friendship is the soil in which the seeds of love grow.
If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret of True Love is the power of touch
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and strengthening relationships.
Touch changes physical and emotional states and makes people more receptive to love.
Touch can help heal the body and warm the heart.
When you open your arms, you open your heart.
The sixth secret of True Love is the power of the principle of “giving freedom”
If you love someone, set them free. If he comes back to you, he is yours, if not, he was never yours.
Even in truly loving relationships, people need their own space.
If you want to learn to love, you first need to learn to forgive and free yourself from past grievances and sorrows.
Love means freeing yourself from fears, prejudices, egos and reservations.
“Today I am freed from all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life.”
The Seventh Secret of True Love - The Power of Communication
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes.
Loving someone means communicating with them.
Let people know that you love them and appreciate them.
Never be afraid to say those three magic words: “I love you.”
Never miss an opportunity to praise someone.
Always leave a word of love for the one you love - maybe this is the last time you see him.
If you were going to die soon and could call the people you love, who would you call, what would you say and... why aren't you doing it right now?
The eighth secret of True Love is the power of devotion
For love to be true, one must be devoted to it, and this devotion will be reflected in thoughts and actions.
Devotion is the true test of love.
To have a truly loving relationship, you need to be committed to that relationship.
When you are committed to someone or something, leaving is not an option.
Commitment distinguishes strong relationships from fragile ones.
The ninth secret of True Love is the power of passion
Passion ignites love and does not allow it to fade. Lasting passion is created through not only physical attraction, but also deep devotion, enthusiasm, interest and joyful excitement.
Passion can be recreated by recreating past situations where you felt passion.
Spontaneity and surprises create passion.
The essence of love and happiness is the same; you just need to live every day with passion.
The tenth secret of True Love is the power of trust
Trust is vital to a truly loving relationship. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fears, while another feels emotionally trapped and cannot breathe freely.
It's impossible to truly love someone if you don't trust them completely.
Do this so that your relationship with your loved one never ends.
One way to decide if a person is right for you is to ask yourself: “Do I trust him completely and without reservation?” If the answer is “no,” think carefully before making a commitment.
blogs.privet.ru
Love does not come on its own, we create it, and each of us has the ability to do it. People make the mistake of thinking they are "falling in love" they imagine that one day they will be walking down the street, see someone and - boom! But this is not love...
This is a physical hobby. But not love. Of course, love can develop from mutual physical attraction, but love cannot be only physical. To love - to truly love - you need to understand a person, you need to understand her and respect her. You need to sincerely care about her well-being.
It is impossible to determine what kind of person is in front of you just by appearance alone. To truly love someone, you need to see them from the inside - their nature, spirit or soul. There is something that is not noticeable with the eyes.
In Love with a capital L, the most important thing can be seen only with the heart.
Here they are, Ten Secrets of True Love from Adam Jackson:
1. The power of thought.
Love begins with thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create a loving life and loving relationships. Positive affirmations can change our beliefs and opinions about ourselves and others. If you want to love someone, you need to take into account their needs and desires.
2. The power of respect.
To love someone, learn to respect him first. First of all, you need to respect yourself. To find self-respect, ask yourself, “What do I respect about myself?” To have respect for others—even those you don't like—ask yourself, “What do I respect about them?”
3. The power of talent.
If you want to receive love, you need just give it away! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love means to give a part of yourself, without payment or reservations.
Practice showing kindness just for the sake of it. Before entering into a relationship, ask yourself not what the other person can give you, but what you can give him.
The secret formula for a happy, lifelong love relationship is to always pay attention to what you have to give.
4. The power of friendship.
To find true love, you must first find a true friend.
Loving means not looking at each other, but looking at the world together in the same direction. To truly love someone, you need to love them for who they are. Friendship is the soil in which the seeds of love grow.
If you want love in a relationship, you must first make friends.
5. Power of touch.
Touch changes physical and emotional states and makes people more receptive to love. Touch can help heal the body and warm the heart. When you open your arms, you open your heart.
6. The power of the principle of “giving freedom.”
If you love someone, set them free. If he comes back to you, he is yours, if not, he was never yours. Even in truly loving relationships, people need their own space. If you want to learn to love, you first need to learn to forgive and free yourself from past grievances and sorrows. To love is to be free from fears, prejudices, egos and reservations. “Today I am freed from all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life.”
7. The power of communication.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. Loving someone means communicating with them. Let people know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: “I love you.”
Never miss an opportunity to praise someone. Always leave a word of love for the one you love - this may be the last time you see him. If you were going to die soon and could call the people you love - who would you call, what would you say and... why aren't you doing this right now?
8. The power of devotion.
For love to be true, one must be devoted to it, and this devotion will be reflected in thoughts and actions. Loyalty is the true test of love. To have a truly loving relationship, you need to be committed to this relationship. Devotion is the criterion that distinguishes strong and serious relationships from frivolous ones.
9. The power of passion.
Passion ignites love and does not allow it to fade. Lasting passion is created through not only physical attraction, but also deep devotion, enthusiasm, interest and joyful excitement.
Passion can be recreated by recreating past situations where you felt passion. Spontaneity and surprises create passion. The essence of love and happiness is the same - you just need to live every day with passion.
10. The power of trust.
Trust is vital to a truly loving relationship. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fears, while another feels emotionally trapped and cannot breathe freely. You can't truly love someone if you don't trust them completely. Act so that the relationship with your loved one never ends.
One way to decide if a person is right for you is to ask yourself: “Do I trust this person completely and without reservation? If the answer is no, think carefully before making a commitment.
How to recognize your partner for life?
1. Does he/she have the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual qualities you want in a lifelong partner?
2. Do you respect him (her)?
3. What can you give him (her) to satisfy his (her) needs?
4. Is he/she your best friend? Do you have common goals and aspirations, common values and common beliefs?
5. When you are with each other, do you feel like you are one?
6. Do you give each other space and freedom to grow and learn?
7. Can you communicate honestly and openly with each other?
8. Are you both committed to your relationship?
9. Do you approach your relationships with determination and passion? Does he/she mean more to you than everyone else?
10. Do you completely trust each other?
With honest answers to these questions, you yourself will put everything in its place for yourself and decide exactly: how long will you be with this person, do you want to be with him for the rest of your life, can you continue to live with him “in joy and sorrow, happiness and adversity."
If you decide that this is your person, and there are still some stumbling blocks, not everything is as good as you would like, then here are some recommendations that will definitely help you.
How to bring love back into your relationship
1. Think about your partner's needs and desires as much as your own.
2. Learn to respect yourself and your partner. Ask yourself the question, “What do I respect about myself?” And “What do I respect in my partner?”
3. Pay attention not to what you would like to get from the relationship, but on what you yourself add to the relationship.
4. Make friends with your partner: look for common interests, common aspirations.
5. Touch each other tenderly and open your arms to each other.
6. Let go of the past and forgive. Start your life again.
7. Express your feelings openly and honestly.
8. Commit yourself fully to your relationships. Put your partner at the top of your priority list.
9. Renew the passion in your relationship.
10. Learn to trust your partner, trust your relationship and make sure it never ends.
Today I will share my interpretation of 10 secrets of Love. Help those who are tossing about and restless!:-0) Perhaps our already wise people will think about it and make some kind of verdict for themselves. It is not for nothing that there is a saying in Judaism: “He who saves one soul saves the whole world.”
And the epigraph to My 10 secrets, and perhaps to my own life, is again the saying “Great is he who conquers cities, but truly great is he who conquers HIMSELF.” So, 10 secrets of True Love.
1. From the Silt of Thoughts
Love begins with a thought. We become what we think about. Change your thoughts and you will change your experiences - it's very simple. If you have evil thoughts - you experience anger, distrust of your loved one - jealousy, joyful ones - joy, if happy thoughts - happiness... and if your thoughts are full of Love - you experience Love. Thoughts full of Love create a life full of love and relationships full of love. Therefore, if you want Love, create it. The only reliable way to know who your ideal person is even before you meet him is to think about the qualities that you need in a person.
2. With respect
To love someone or something, you must first respect it. AND, FIRST OF ALL, you need to respect yourself; and if you don't love and respect yourself, it's very difficult to love and respect others. You need to learn to accept yourself, value yourself, no matter what others think or say about you. You just need to learn that everyone has their own Place on Earth. Each of us is UNIQUE, each is PRICELESS - no matter what the color of his skin is, no matter what his religion is, or his ideological principles. For this alone, anyone, everyone living on this Earth is worth Respecting.
3. The Power of Giving
If you want to receive Love, give it. The more you give, the more you receive. Love is like a boomerang - it always comes back. Maybe not always from the person to whom you gave it, but it will still return to you. And it will return a hundredfold. The supply of Love is unlimited. When we give it, we don’t lose it. To lose the Love within us is to not give it to others. If you want to experience True Love, you must be willing to give love without reservations, without demanding anything in return. A gift is not a gift if it is not given for free. True Love is unconditional - it asks for nothing in return.
Practice good deeds JUST SO. To love means to give a part of yourself without payment or reservations. Before entering into a relationship, ask yourself not what the other person can give you, but what YOU can give them. The secret formula for a lifetime of happy love relationships is to always focus not on what you can TAKE, but on what you can GIVE.
4. From the Silt of Friendship
If you want to find true Love, find a true Friend first. Your partner should share your views, values and goals. To truly love someone, you need to love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil on which the seeds of Love grow. If you want to bring Love into a relationship, first bring Friendship.
5. From the power of Touch
Love is the most powerful healing force in the entire Universe. There is incredible energy in touch that works wonders. Touch is one of the most powerful manifestations of Love, breaking down barriers and strengthening relationships. It changes the physical and emotional state and makes people more receptive to Love. Touch can help heal the body and warm the Soul. When you open your arms, you open your heart.
6. The power of the principle “Give Freedom”
There is a Chinese proverb: “If you love someone, set him free.” If he returns to you, he is yours; if not, it will never be yours.” If you love someone, respect their needs and desires. If you can't let go of someone you love, it's not love. We ourselves write the pages of life. It is impossible to FORCE love, we need to release the people we love. If you love someone, you need to let him BE FREE.
Free to make decisions, free to live the way he wants, and not the way we want. It's not always easy to let someone you love go free, but there is no other way. You need to let go not when the relationship has fizzled out or is over - you need to let go when the relationship exists. Each of us needs OUR OWN SPACE, and even in truly loving relationships, people need it, their own space. People need to be free in relationships because otherwise they feel trapped.
When we cling to someone, we can emotionally stifle them and this is usually done out of jealousy, fear, or insecurity rather than out of love. You need to free yourself not only from physical affection, you need to free yourself from everything that prevents you from loving, from all prejudices and judgments about people. If you want to learn to love, first learn to forgive, and free yourself from past grievances and sorrows.
Each of us makes mistakes, and if you want others to forgive you, be ready to forgive them too. Love means freeing yourself from fears, prejudices, egos and reservations. You just need to remember that every problem that arises (jealousy, hatred, pain and any other negative emotions) brings with it a Gift that can enrich your life.
7. With the power of Communication
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. Know how to express your feelings. Inability to communicate with each other is the most common disease that people suffer from. Never be afraid to say those 3 magic words – “I love you.” If you communicate, do so honestly and openly. Loving means sharing and communicating. Let people know that you love and appreciate them. Never miss an opportunity to praise someone. Finally, ask yourself this question: If you were going to die soon and could call the people you love - who would you call, what would you say and WHY ARE NOT YOU DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
8. With the power of Devotion
If you are not devoted to a person, you don’t really love him. To have a truly loving relationship, you need to be committed to that relationship. Commitment distinguishes fragile relationships from strong ones. Love is devotion. Fear of commitment is fear. Fear is the biggest obstacle to Love. Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of loss. If you want Love, strive to overcome your fears and concerns, and be ready to devote yourself to everything that is dear to you. Every relationship has its ups and downs, good times and bad.
The viability of a relationship depends on HOW we deal with such periods. For a successful relationship, it is important for TWO to understand that their relationship is more important than everything: money, career, cars and clothes. And separation should not be considered, even as an option. The problem is that sometimes we are simply not committed to another, and so we give up. For Love to be True, one must be devoted to it, and this devotion will be reflected in thoughts and actions. Devotion is the real test of Love.
9. From the silt of Passion
A truly loving relationship requires Passion. Purely sexual passion is short-lived and cannot be the basis of a long-lasting relationship. Passion is not limited to sex. This is deep interest and enthusiasm. Passion is that magical spark that ignites Love and nourishes it;
if you lose that spark, the relationship slowly dies. Physical passion is short-lived; much stronger passion comes from thoughts and feelings. Spontaneity and surprises ignite passion. When we lose passion for something, we lose the feeling of Love. The essence of Love and Passion is the same - you just need to live with Passion every day.
10. With the power of Trust
Trust is vital to a relationship between two people. Trust not only the other, trust the relationship itself. Without trust, one person becomes suspicious, anxious, full of fears, another feels trapped. Therefore, it is impossible to truly love someone if you do not trust him. The future doesn't have to be the same as the past. And whatever it may be, whatever life experience, each of us has the ability to change.
Conclusions.
We ourselves write the Book of Life. Life changes when we change. The next page will not necessarily be the same as the previous one. We can start a new chapter. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. The past is dead. Happiness is possible only in the Eternal Now.
True Love is simply accepting another person. Completely and Unconditionally. It is important to trust the relationship to live in such a way that even if there is a fire or a flood, the relationship will never end. Many people create problems for themselves in life before they actually arise. And remember: the only person who can change in your Life is you. Nobody else.
And Love is the ONLY dimension in which it is worth changing. Without reasoning, go to Love - it is safe.
whose “shattered” relationship: EVERYTHING CAN BE FIXED,
IF YOU NEED IT, IT'S ALL IN YOUR POWER, IF YOU WANT TO RETURN
LOVE INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP. SO TO SAY AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
2. Learn to respect yourself and your partner, ask yourself the question: “What do I respect about myself?” and “What do I respect in my partner?”
3. Pay attention not to what you would like from the relationship, but to what you yourself do not bring to the relationship.
4.Make friends with your partner. Look for common aspirations, common interests.
5.Touch each other gently and open your arms to each other.
6. Free yourself from the past and forgive. Start your life again.
7. Express your feelings openly and honestly.
8. Commit yourself fully to your relationship and put your partner at the top of your list of priorities.
9.Recreate passion in your relationships.
10.Learn to trust your partner, trust your relationship and make sure it never ends.
WE CREATE LOVE – it is not the result of fate or luck. EACH OF US has the ability to love and be loved. It doesn’t matter how you live now - alone, or trapped in an unhappy, exhausted relationship - life can change, and YOU ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGING IT.
With love. Elena.
10 secrets of Love from Elena updated: December 20, 2016 by: website
