You have to be a strong person to remain calm and balanced during a conflict. Emotions must obey reason. But how to learn to control yourself when your head is filled with negative thoughts. Negative thoughts cause a person to lose his positive energy.
How can you learn to always control yourself?
First of all, you need to start thinking correctly. You should get rid of negative thoughts. Bad thoughts should not overwhelm the brain. With negative thoughts, a person becomes unsure of himself and depressed.
The emergence of a new task leads to the emergence of negative thoughts. The person begins to doubt that he can complete this task. Uncertainty should be discarded and cut off. Only then will it be possible to solve the problem.
You need to be able to argue: how to learn to control yourself?
If you think through all your actions well, then things will go well. We need to collect more information about this case, and then there will be confidence that it will be resolved.
Don't take on tasks that you can't handle.
How to control yourself in a conflict: During a conflict, it is difficult to control your anger...
But this can be done with the help of thoughts. You need to think about why this person needed to upset and hurt you. Perhaps if they found themselves in his shoes, everyone would do the same as him.
Sometimes a person needs to get rid of accumulated emotional burden
Only after this can you forget about a good relationship with the offender. Storing emotions also does not benefit the body. However, you can't let them loose too much.
In a conflict, you can control yourself in the following ways:
Each person may be concerned about the solution to this issue. Unexpected strong feelings spoil relationships with the environment. As a result, discord occurs in family relationships and at work.
When you suppress your emotions, you lose your individuality. If you suppress emotional outbursts every time, they will suddenly spill out and destroy your entire way of life:
- You should pay attention to how calm people react to stress and take an example from them.
- You should look at any life situation with a smile and faith that everything will work out.
- If the enemy steps on your foot, there is no need to cry. Only a smile can throw him off balance.
Life consists of continuous problems, but there are also joyful days. In order for there to be more of them, you need to take a simpler approach to life. You need to look at problems as yet another test that you will overcome and get first place in the sports game called life!
Sometimes we don’t like someone for absolutely subjective reasons - it could be the tone of their voice, their appearance or their smell. But sometimes a person with whom it is impossible to avoid communication really does not behave in the most dignified manner. And in this case, the main thing is not to stoop to his level. On the one hand, this is very difficult to do, since during a conversation people often unconsciously copy the conversation style of their interlocutor.
Never argue with a fool - people may not notice the difference between you.
When it comes to negative emotions, it can be very difficult to calm yourself down. The simplest example is when someone is rude in public transport - it is terribly difficult to restrain yourself and not be rude in response. It is always worth remembering that you need to communicate with people the way you would like to be communicated with you. And no one likes rude people and boors.
Be open to change
You should not stick labels in the style: “This person is unpleasant to me, I don’t want to continue communicating with him” at the first meeting. We all are not in the mood, or too tired, or feel bad. Perhaps the next time you meet, you will change your opinion about the person to the diametrically opposite one. People change and everyone should always have a second chance.
Nothing personal
What we think about someone, or what someone thinks about us, is all a subjective, not an objective opinion. No one can be adored by everyone. Such people will always have the same number of haters as admirers. Therefore, every time you think that someone doesn’t like you, you shouldn’t think that the person hates you, period. Maybe you just haven't communicated enough? But this feeling is not very pleasant and it clearly does not help productive communication, but only makes everything worse.
In the same way, perhaps the person who infuriates you to the point of shaking your knees and is currently sitting in front of you at a business meeting may be very pleasant and sweet to someone else. And you just don’t know his pleasant sides. Therefore, we keep our opinion to ourselves and try to make sure that it does not affect the outcome of the business meeting. No one is forcing you to be friends, right?
Ignore jokes and witticisms
This is one of the most difficult moments - to react correctly to a joke or to miss a barb. We all have different ideas about what is funny and what is not so funny. If for someone one joke may seem absolutely harmless, then for another it can be almost a mortal insult. And sometimes a person deliberately tries to piss you off with his jokes. Why give in to provocations and stoop to his level? It’s smarter to just remain silent.
Try to speak calmly and keep your facial expressions and gestures under control
What is much more important is not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. When you say that you are absolutely calm, but at the same time you almost scream, no one will ever believe you. In the same way, a person will easily notice your dislike for him by the expression on your face. Calm timbre of voice, watch your arms and legs (so that they don’t cross) and try to maintain a Pockerface expression.
Learn active listening
If you have already realized that a person is unpleasant to you, do not focus on this and do not scroll this thought in your head over and over again. Instead of constantly thinking about the negative, it is better to listen carefully to what they say to you. By focusing on the essence of the conversation, you can quickly understand what exactly they want from you and end this unpleasant communication as quickly as possible.
Keep track of time
Time is one of the most limited human resources.
It's more about how to behave in a way that doesn't annoy someone. Time is one of the most limited human resources. It is of course for anyone, regardless of status and amount of money. Therefore, it is terribly annoying when a person makes himself wait for no apparent reason, but simply in order to seem important. Remember this and don't make people wait and waste their most precious resource.
When communicating with a person, remember that only you can control your behavior. And the outcome of your conversation depends on this. Yes, sometimes we cannot choose our interlocutor or partner, but we can choose how to behave.
Managing emotions is difficult. Emotions always run ahead of reason. But how great it would be to be able to have a cool mind and a strong mind in any extraordinary situation for us.
I want to make it clear right away that we are by no means talking about suppressing emotions. Suppressing emotions is very harmful to health. We will talk about control, curbing - that is, about changing the perception of the situation itself in a positive direction. A conscious choice in favor of the right emotions in difficult circumstances.
Maybe, Each of us has more than once met at least one person with such a skill whom we want to emulate.
For example, when writing this article, I remembered an interesting case about a woman who handled herself very well in any situation. I was still a little girl, and one day, while at my mother’s work, I wandered through the corridors. My empty wandering through the corridors was interrupted by the loud screams of the Director, which came from the slightly open door. Naturally, like an inquisitive child, passing by once again along the corridor seemed like an impossible task, and I looked into the Director’s slightly open door. A banal scene appeared before me (banal in the current understanding, when I was a child - it was something incredibly exciting and interesting): The director scolded a subordinate for some mistakes and errors in her work. This beautiful woman, my subordinate, caught my attention. In the stream of abuse from the Director at her, her face immediately turned purple. And it seemed, for a moment, that she was embarrassed and confused, not knowing how to behave. But it only lasted for a moment, about 2 minutes. Afterwards, as if by the action of a magic wand, the red color of her face began to gradually change to white. Immediately she straightened her posture and shoulders, and an air of confidence radiated from her. Thanks to the high level of control of her emotions, the woman regained her composure and was able to give a worthy rebuff to the Director in a calm voice to all his claims. As it turned out, this woman really has a very high level of self-control; her mother has repeatedly set her up as an example of how you can rise to the occasion in a difficult situation.
In my current critical cases, when I need to restrain myself, sometimes I remember this woman from childhood, and I immediately feel like I’m on a horse, I gain that same confidence and control of my emotions.
You may be thinking, I live great without controlling my emotions, why? Can you manage them at all and is it worth restraining yourself?
1) the ability to restrain emotions will help you always look decent in any critical situation;
2) your mind will be in its usual state, and, therefore, you will act correctly and make rational and logical decisions, and not decide under the influence of confusion, panic, or unusual circumstances;
3) this skill will allow you not to succumb to outside pressure; the less control you have over yourself, the easier it is to control you;
4) you want to trust a person who knows how to control himself in any situation;
5) the ability to control oneself is necessary to focus attention on achieving goals;
6) a person who does not know how to control himself, more often than others, finds himself in the epicenter of conflicts, which can lead, for example, to dismissal from work or a break with loved ones, marital relationships and other undesirable consequences;
In the end, being able to control your emotions helps you stay healthy. We all know that stress and depression are the main problem of our society today and the cause of most diseases. Anger, resentment, anger, irritation can lead to the development of malignant tumors and cardiovascular diseases.
I agree, it is hardly possible to completely avoid stressful situations, but it is always possible to develop the skill of controlling and working with emotions, which will significantly reduce the risks of the negative consequences of such situations.
In order to learn to control yourself, you need to determine the algorithm of your actions in a critical situation.
1. First, make a list of situations in which you could not restrain your emotions, describe them. What do these situations have in common? Try to remember what emotions you had at such moments? How did you feel after the conflict? What bothered you most about the situation? What types of stressful situations prevailed? What physiological reactions occurred? What decisions did you make in such situations, in your favor or against yourself? What was the basis of the situation, the reason? How did it all start? Honest answers will give you the key to awareness and building in your consciousness and subconscious of new programs of reactions and actions to such situations. Forewarned is forearmed. By analyzing your reactions and your actions, if you train, you will be able to develop the skill of more effective behavior and control of emotions.
2. Most often, what irritates us in another person is what we don’t like about ourselves. Try to deal with this if you often succumb to such irritation and anger towards other people. If, on the contrary, you are a constant subject of someone else’s anger and irritation - (you are already savvy, often this is anger and irritation at yourself, internal deep-seated reasons, we are all imperfect people) - the reaction to the provocateur will be completely different, you will be more likely to I feel sorry for this person, rather than anger and the desire to shout at him.
3. An excellent technique, it often helps me out if someone’s screaming falls on me, someone is trying to throw me off balance with manipulation and other tricks. I present “What if I loved you?...” Regardless of who is in front of me, I begin to be overwhelmed with a feeling of love for all humanity and there can be no talk of any negative reaction on my part. Positive over negative, often people are not ready for such a reaction - it really pulls the rug out from under them. Sometimes you have to respond with a positive to a negative several times - they check, in case they punch you and give up. Suddenly a positive answer is an accident. And after an unsuccessful attempt, people switch to a positive wave with you. There were no cases where it didn't work.
4. It is necessary to monitor the flow of thoughts - in no case, do not allow the “inner critic” to take over you - this is weakness; any situation, even if it happened to you, you should simply accept it and try to mobilize in order to act as if you were in a situation familiar to you - clearly, rationally and calmly; if this doesn't help, imagine your mother who completely and unconditionally accepts you for who you are, regardless of the situation - this will help calm down and turn on your mind.
5. Try to calm down by starting to breathe slowly and deeply, clearly feeling every inhalation and exhalation, inhalation - exhalation... concentrate on breathing.
6. Think of a phrase that best encourages and motivates you or an affirmation: for example, “I am the embodiment of calm..., the energy of calm overwhelms me.”
7. Choose someone who inspires you. Your own example of calm and confidence (this could be any famous artist, entrepreneur, etc., or just an acquaintance who has good self-control in critical circumstances, like my example above) and in a difficult situation - try to remember him and ask yourself - “how would this person behave?”
8. Always be firmly confident in the positive outcome of any situation. This will help your subconscious form a program of preparedness for any surprises. So that in such a situation you can act according to the circumstances - clearly, quickly and as efficiently as possible.
9. If you have picked up dirty energy somewhere: in transport, at work, etc. - you are irritated, you want to lash out at someone - it is best to use the “counting rule from 1 to 10”, count to yourself - before pouring out anger and irritation with someone else and think again - is it worth swearing to spoil the mood for yourself and others.
10. It’s good for negative emotions to find an outlet other than people - you can get a punching bag and box it until you are completely free of negativity. You can box the pillow until you feel relief. For self-control and stress prevention, systematic exercise is useful.
11. The ability to manage emotions and control oneself is taught in martial arts schools; various meditative practices.
12. There is a method for releasing negative emotions - talking through everything that has accumulated into the water, opening the tap so that a stream of water runs.
13. You can also go into the forest (fresh forest air is also good for your physical health) and shout out to your heart’s content (it is advisable that there are no picnics nearby, you may be misunderstood).
14. In order to curb emotions, you can take and constantly train - find a person who will work as an “irritant” for you. The task of such an “irritant” is to throw you off balance by any means, and yours, of course, is not to succumb to provocations. An interesting world practice is that in many advanced companies, specially equipped rooms are created for employees to let out emotions. In them, everyone, if necessary, can box and shout and draw on the walls, and throw darts, etc....
And remember, any non-standard situation is given to us as an opportunity to overcome ourselves, rise above it, draw conclusions, learn lessons and become a little better! People - provocateurs - are our teachers, by understanding this, we will be able to make a conscious choice in favor of positive emotions.
In any case, like any skill, the ability to control oneself and control emotions can be developed. Hard and systematic work, multiplied by desire, decides everything!
I wish you good luck in developing the skills of self-control and emotion control!
Click on the buttons and share interesting material with your friends!How to cope with momentary emotions that lead to screaming at a child? How not to yell at a child? How not to yell? We will tell you about several ways to help you with this.
We parents know exactly what our children should do, but we often forget what we shouldn't do ourselves. We often use our superiority over the child, allowing ourselves to shout at our own children, trying to reason with them and convey to them the “truth of existence.”
Of course, parents are people too. A tense situation at work, feeling unwell, and the children again misbehave and disobey. All this can be a reason for screaming at a child. But in most cases, first we scream, and then we repent and suffer, realizing that screaming is not the best way to educate.
Yes, of course, yelling at a child can have an impact, because... There's nothing worse than a screaming mom. But do you need such obedience? When a child makes a decision not because he realized its necessity, but just so that his mother does not yell. Because while we are screaming and trying to convey to the child the essence of his mistake or incorrect behavior, he has only one thought in his head: “I wish mom (dad) would stop screaming soon.” How can you learn to manage your emotions?
I am sure that any adult and conscientious parent can calmly explain to their child his mistake, his misconduct, and talk about how this should no longer be done and why.
The ability to calmly talk to your child in any situation will increase your self-esteem as a parent. And the meaning of your explanation will reach the child much faster if he hears your balanced, albeit stern, voice. But the fact that a child needs to explain his mistakes in a calmer state and in a balanced tone is clear to everyone, but how to do this?
1. Realize that you will never yell at your child again.
It is not worthy to shout at all, and especially at children, who should understand and obey perfectly (even if in fact the children do not understand at all even the tenth time). Just first realize that you will N-I-C-O-G-D-A no longer yell at your children! And no matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, they will not be able to make you scream. As soon as you notice that you are yelling at your child, stop for a second and imagine yourself... for example, Queen Elizabeth of England, second or first, it doesn’t matter. Just imagine for a moment how a person who is for you the standard of endurance and restraint would behave in this situation.
2. Make any excuses for your child.
As soon as you notice that you are about to start yelling at your child, imagine that a complete stranger and stranger or a person who is extremely unpleasant to you begins to swear at him with your words.
3. Pretend your child is a stranger
Another similar method. When you notice a desire to scream, imagine that in front of you is not your own and beloved child, but a stranger (a neighbor, the child of your friends or relatives). After all, you won’t allow yourself to yell at someone else’s child. Firstly, you won't take the situation so seriously, but Secondly, this is not your child and you cannot yell at other people’s children in principle.
There is something to think about here. Why, we are more tolerant of the misdeeds of other people’s children than the mistakes of our own.
4. Invite guests
We are very affectionate with our children when we have guests in our house. Therefore, the impulse to yell at a child can be extinguished by imagining a distant relative or friend in the next room. After all, you wouldn’t yell at a child in front of guests, so why can this be done without them?
Why can we hide our negative emotions in front of strangers, but we don’t even try to do this in front of our children?
As a rule, having overcome the first minutes of increased negative emotionality, we no longer see the unpleasant situation that has occurred as so dramatic, in which it is necessary to shout and raise our voice.
5. Imagine yourself on a TV show
This method helped me when it seemed that children’s pranks, misunderstandings and whims could drive me crazy. And I understood that the possibility of breaking into a scream was very great. At such moments, I simply imagined that I was participating in some kind of reality show, like “ best mom" or even " draw“And I need to get out of this situation with dignity. And I found, as it seems to me, quite reasonable solutions from a pedagogical point of view.
I don’t know how correct my advice is from a psychological point of view. But I came up with these methods, trying to look like an emotionally balanced and loving mother in the eyes of my children.
Children have the right to make mistakes. Their mistakes and misdeeds should be taken for granted. It is foolish to expect ideal behavior from a child.
Now that my children have already reached the age category of teenagers, which is quite difficult for adults to perceive, I have learned very well to control my emotions, no matter what news they present to me.
Mental balance is very important not only for the person himself, but also for his relationships with others, and sometimes for personal development. These 8 simple rules will help you learn to control yourself and remain calm in any situation.
You need to learn not to give in to emotions
You can respond to a negative situation either positively, negatively, or neutrally. Whatever happens, you need to try not to succumb to surging emotions and look at things soberly. In such cases, many people find it helpful to count to ten or take deep breaths. Emotions need to be kept under control - this is half the success.
You have to realize that no matter what happens, life doesn’t end there.
It's just a rule that many people ignore. But as soon as a person understands this simple truth, any situation no longer seems so depressing and gloomy. More often than not, there are no hopeless situations, but it is precisely unnecessary emotions that prevent people from realizing this.
You need to learn to develop indifference in yourself
Indifference can be not only something negative. Often, it is indifferent and cold-blooded people who quickly find a way out of any situation. Here, of course, it is also important not to overdo it.
Meditation as a way to control yourself
Meditation is very beneficial for the state of mind and teaches a person peace and tranquility. For the desired effect, it is enough to devote 10-15 minutes to half an hour to it every day and the result will not take long to arrive.
You should protect the atmosphere in your home
Unfortunately, many people like to lash out at loved ones in order to “let off steam” and deliberately provoke scandals and minor quarrels. Such situations have a destructive effect not only on the one who creates them, but also on the one towards whom this anger is directed. In order not to spoil relationships with loved ones, you need to learn to ignore small everyday problems and appreciate more global things in life.
Hobbies you enjoy as a way to maintain peace of mind
Research shows that people who have a favorite hobby are much happier and more stress-resistant than those who do not. You can draw, embroider, burn, collect, take photographs, engage in floriculture or art therapy - in a word, any activity that would distract a person from unnecessary thoughts. Such creative activity acts on a person as meditation, calms and promotes the release of endorphins.
Sleep in the struggle for peace of mind
“The morning is wiser than the evening,” says the famous proverb, and its meaning lies much deeper than it seems. Healthy sleep helps restore the nervous system, which in turn is responsible for how strongly a person reacts to a given situation. Poor sleep provokes a weakening of the nervous system, which leads to a weakened emotional state, and as a result, low resistance to stress.
You should monitor the amount of vitamins in the body
Low resistance to stress may also indicate the presence of a deficiency of B vitamins in the body. It would not be superfluous to visit a doctor and ask him to carry out the necessary procedures to determine whether this is really the case and, if necessary, select a vitamin complex or a set of wellness procedures.
These 8 tips can help a person learn to control himself and maintain not only peace of mind, but also health and relationships with others.
