Why I don't like to celebrate holidays. Why I don't like holidays A man who doesn't like holidays

It would seem that everyone should love holidays because it’s fun, people have fun, forget about problems, eat delicious food and dance. It is not clear what could be bad about the holidays, but there is a certain category of people who simply cannot stand holidays. Let's try to figure out why holidays are a joy for some, and a difficult ordeal for others?


All people are different!

It's no secret that people are divided into four temperaments. It turns out that melancholic and phlegmatic people have a bad attitude towards holidays because they are very immersed in their inner world and do not like large crowds of people. As a rule, they experience certain difficulties with communication. Such people are laconic and stingy with feelings, because they do not know how to show them. They love solitude, they like to be alone, read books or watch their favorite movies.

Low self-esteem

Insecure people also don’t like holidays, because they don’t know how to express themselves and prefer to remain unnoticed. Such people, as a rule, are dissatisfied with themselves, they think that no one loves them, and people came to the holiday because it is customary. They cannot relax because they try very hard to please others, but they fail because the people around them feel the tension. Sometimes such people drink heavily during the holidays in order to somehow loosen up and, as a result, behave inappropriately. They simply do not know how to enjoy life; perhaps in childhood they were humiliated or reproached by the gifts they received.

Alone with problems

Workaholics also don’t like holidays, because they sincerely don’t understand what they are for. The question is, why waste days when you can earn money. Such people, even on holidays, try to keep themselves busy with work; they go to stores, wash dishes, or establish the necessary connections. This behavior can be explained by the fact that such people do not want to be alone with their problems, fears and complexes; they prefer to run away from them and completely immerse themselves in work. Workaholics themselves do not understand why they work, why they need a million or a villa on the seashore. They still don’t know how to relax and constantly strive for some impossible ideal.

For some, holidays are work!

People who organize holidays for others, such as a toastmaster, host or animator, do not like to celebrate their own holidays because for them it is work. From constant communication with people, sooner or later a person experiences emotional burnout; he gets tired of smiling in public, so when he comes home he doesn’t want to talk or have fun. You can understand such people, so you shouldn’t be offended by them if at their holidays they don’t behave like they do at work.


Unpleasant experience


For some, a dislike for holidays appears from childhood, because if a child constantly sees that at some celebration his father gets drunk, does not help his mother and behaves disgustingly, then most likely the child will not like holidays. Children understand everything and are very sensitive to the relationships of adults, so if at a holiday relatives constantly make scandals or get drunk, then it is quite understandable where the dislike for holidays can come from.

There is a certain category of people who prefer to celebrate holidays whenever they want, they are free from stereotypes. The reason could be anything, for example, meeting a friend or successfully concluding a deal or something like that.

It turns out that many people do not like holidays, for some reason. You need to learn to sincerely give people joy and gifts, then you will receive the same in return, and if you are always dissatisfied, then it is not surprising that you have problems with communication.

Birthday: reasons why some people don't like to celebrate their main holiday

There are people who do not like their birthdays, not only due to the costs of celebrating it, but in general, they do not experience the necessary positive emotions on such an unusual occasion. They can happily take part in celebrating someone else's birthday, but they do not perceive a personal birthday as entirely joyful.

In ancient times, people believed that birth was a great holiday. A person’s birthday, as well as his name, was treated with considerable respect. Sometimes, on a person’s birthday, the Magi (stargazers, sages), who monitored the calendar, came to a person and presented gifts.

Today, from early childhood, the “wizards” who give us gifts on our personal birthdays are replaced by parents and relatives. It is quite possible that this is why deep in our memory there is a vague feeling of expecting special attention to ourselves on this day, something magical. Besides everything, a birthday symbolizes one’s own coming into this world, the end of one cycle and the beginning of another, rebirth.


It turns out that this is a very important day in the life of any of us. However, there are those who do not like their birthday or are not particularly happy about it. What are the roots of a negative attitude towards your birthday?

Why isn't your birthday happy?

One of the reasons is psychological rejection of oneself, which is deeply rooted and originating from a person’s childhood. A symbolically negative perception of one’s birthday can be a corresponding reaction to the attitude towards oneself, one’s appearance in this world, on the part of loved ones and the expectation of rejection, rejection of oneself by the world. This is usually not a conscious reaction, but it affects many areas of life in its own way.

A person who, as a child, experienced a lack of love for himself from his parents and close circle, grows up and becomes like a little offended child, constantly hoping that sooner or later the moment will come when he will finally be accepted and loved.

Often, the psychological basis for non-acceptance or self-acceptance is laid in direct dependence on the emotions and feelings that the child received from his parents. How dear and desirable was he to them? What did the mother experience during pregnancy? How did the parents perceive the birth of the child? Was it a holiday or, on the contrary, a big nuisance?

All these points have a serious impact on basic self-acceptance or non-acceptance. Very common reasons for not liking one’s birthday are: some kind of psychological trauma received on one of the birthdays, resentment towards loved ones arising from the attitude of his relatives and friends towards the person, some unpleasant circumstances that arose on that day

Everything is very simple. Some people have post-traumatic psychological syndrome, which arose as a result of a single or repeated traumatic situation that coincided with their birthday. For example, the holiday was ruined by someone close or coincided with a negative event that deeply affected the person.

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In addition, over the years, the baggage of various disappointments, unpleasant emotions experienced on the birthday, and difficulties accumulates. These could be: disappointments from unnecessary gifts received instead of desired ones, unfulfilled desires, resentment towards people, their false attention, flattery, regret about the money and effort spent on organizing a festive feast, after which there was an unpleasant aftertaste, and other moments. This cumulative negative effect is due to the fact that we tend to remember better, first of all, those events that we perceive painfully. Everything good is quickly forgotten or remembered less clearly.

As a result, a moment comes when all the accumulated negative experience, the burden of disappointments, leads to emotional blocking. A person stops rejoicing and celebrating his birthday. He prefers spending time with himself to the company of relatives and friends, and when there are no people with whom he would like to celebrate his birthday, there is no feeling of an unusual holiday in his soul.

Fear of change for the worse and death are also significant reasons why people stop enjoying this day. A birthday is the same New Year, only individual, symbolizing time (the end of the annual cycle and the beginning of a new one) and the associated changes on a personal scale. If a person is young, healthy and full of strength, then he is not so acutely afraid of a potential unfavorable future, but with age... The older we get, the more we begin to think about the lifespan allotted to us. With each birthday, the number on our “counter” that measures the years we have lived increases.

For many women, the growing figure is truly terrifying, since along with it youth, beauty, health are gone, and old age is approaching with the accompanying age-related problems. That is, a critical phase begins in a person’s life when, with each new year, he begins to become more and more afraid of possible changes for the worse. For this reason, birthdays are more depressing than positive. Very few people know how to calmly look approaching death in the eye and enjoy life on their birthday even when they realize that there is less and less time left to live.

Another holiday season has arrived. Of course, this is a very fun time. New Year with Santa Claus and gifts, St. Nicholas also with a bunch of gifts for children (this is a tradition in the western part of Ukraine), Christmas with family comfort, the old New Year, and a bunch of other smaller events.

Personally, I have quite pleasant associations with many of these holidays. I remember how I looked forward to this period as a child. All OK. But why did I write “I don’t like holidays” in the title of the post?

Just a few days ago, I started thinking about why, every time this period comes, I begin to cringe and get sick at the thought that “I have to” put up a Christmas tree, “I have to” prepare “something special” for the New Year’s table, “ we need to give gifts to everyone. And if I suddenly don’t do this, there is a high probability that I will feel guilty. And all because a certain “festive” behavior is expected of me.

And the problem is not that I don’t like the Christmas tree, or giving gifts, and not even that I need to prepare something in advance. The fact is that all this is NOT mine CHOICE and I am this MUST. It was during this period and exactly these actions.

In other words, the tradition that appeared at some point, it made sense, was justified by something. Over time, the meaning was lost, but the meaningless action remained. And we blindly follow these traditions.

One of the wise men said:

My life is a continuous holiday and there is no reason to somehow show off on special dates

Maybe we should make holidays every day? So that there are no everyday life. After all, while there are holidays, there are also non-holidays, that is, weekdays.

So maybe, if you really want to “celebrate”, then you should decorate the Christmas tree in the summer? And give gifts just like that, for no reason. So as not to manipulate children: “if you are obedient, Santa Claus will bring something,” but simply to inspire children to be creative and develop.

Well, one more important point. The very word “holiday”. I did some googling. Here's what I found:

“Holiday”, “empty”, “exercise”, “overgrow”, “simple” are the same root words with the common root “empty”, which means empty, unoccupied, free.

Why does a word that should mean joy, pleasure, good relationships and prizes have the meaning “empty”?

What am I leading to? I’m not saying to stop “celebrating,” or to stop giving gifts, or to give up all traditions. In no case.

I propose to stop making the rest of the days “everydays” and wait for the holidays as liberation from them and a fall into emptiness and idleness. Have fun every day.

Have a wonderful year! From its very beginning.

Best regards, Ivan Dzyamulich.

P.S.
I remembered two parables from my collection, right on topic: [

Imagine a celebration, a laid festive table, a cheerful company... Everyone is happy, everyone is happy... Are you sure about this? Let's look at these people from the outside.

Yes, most people really rejoice and are completely immersed in this pleasant process. But there are others. There's a girl sitting somewhere on the edge of the table, clearly trying to get lost. Two people with gloomy faces are quietly quarreling in the kitchen. And there are those who simply did not come. It turns out that not everyone loves holidays. What kind of strange people are these who do not know what the joy of communicating in a pleasant company is? After all, there are even people who don’t like their birthday! What makes some fellow citizens treat holidays with disdain?

Temperament didn't work out

Melancholic and phlegmatic people have a very negative attitude towards holidays. They are so immersed in their inner world that it can be difficult for them to communicate with people around them. Especially in large companies. It is difficult for them to express themselves and their feelings. They are often lost when choosing a gift, as it is difficult for them to understand what the other person wants. The best holiday for them is to be alone with themselves, give themselves a gift, and enjoy reading or watching programs.

I don’t love myself or others

Low self-esteem also prevents people from having a normal rest. Such a person is not used to enjoying life. Perhaps he was once reproached for the gifts he received, or there was a tense situation in the family at the time when his personality was being formed.

Such people experience a feeling of inconvenience, discomfort, and do not like to be the center of attention. It seems to them that congratulations are formalism and falsehood. In fact, no one likes them and all the congratulations and gifts are not sincere. It's just the way it is. Either the guests came forcefully to congratulate him, or they benefit from this. Such people feel uncomfortable at any festive events. They are embarrassed to express themselves both in clothes, in a new hairstyle, and in choosing a gift. They look around at those around them, control themselves, what they will say, and try to create a good impression of themselves. Constantly compare themselves to others.

Of course, all this causes enormous tension and alcohol often helps relieve it. Another option is to stay home. But even in their home environment it can be difficult for such people. Spending holidays with a loved one or children is the ability to be sincere, to show your feelings, love, tenderness, and care. Can this be done by a person who is constantly dissatisfied with himself and is very self-critical? Hardly. He may try to please his loved ones, but most likely he will be disappointed. His loved ones will take it for granted. It's hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves. He can also take out his inner aggression on those close to him, thereby attracting attention to himself. Therefore, any holiday for them is stressful.

Work is not a wolf?

A workaholic does not see the point in holidays at all; he does not understand why they are needed if at this time he can earn an extra hundred dollars. During the holidays, they try to keep themselves busy with housework as much as possible and strive to help someone with pre-holiday chores. And even during the holiday, they either wash the dishes or establish business relationships with partners or potential clients. Some workaholics fall into despondency and melancholy during the holidays because they are left alone with their problems, with their inner loneliness, with their complexes, which on weekdays they compensated for with dedicated work.

As a rule, those who consider holidays a waste of time also do not know how to love themselves. They are always striving for some unattainable ideal. Their target is turned into an idol. It happens that they cannot explain why they need this treasured million, a house with a sea view, etc. To learn to celebrate, such people need to praise themselves more often. Evaluate what has already been done to achieve results and, of course, give yourself gifts.

The toastmaster is not happy about the holiday

People whose work involves constant communication, especially the hosts of various holidays and leaders of creative teams, do not always like to celebrate their holidays. Those who constantly communicate with a huge number of people simply “burn out.” A person is not able to constantly experience positive emotions. He gets tired of them. No nervous system can withstand such stress, and when communicating with strangers it cannot be avoided. Therefore, you should not be surprised that your friend Santa Claus does not want to celebrate the New Year in company. Forgive him for this. Let him rest.

Do not put salt on my wound

It can be difficult for those who have experienced mental trauma during the holidays or who constantly receive it. This could be the drunkenness of the father or husband, which inevitably affects loved ones. If during the holidays as a child, a child sees that mom is tired of cleaning, preparing for the table, and that dad is not helping during the preparation of the celebration. If a child observes scandals, fights between relatives, friends of parents. If he was present when one of the parents cheated. Children are very sensitive to the emotions of adults and their relationships. If one of the guests begins to flirt with his mom or dad, the child may experience feelings of jealousy, betrayal and loss. Then, in the adult life of this baby, the holiday will be associated with a feeling of discomfort. And if he does not get another positive experience, then most likely he will not like the holidays and will begin to repeat the “life scenario of his parents”!

Children's grievances over gifts, unjustified expectations of spouses from each other, accidents during celebrations - all this can lead to a loss of pleasure from the holidays. It happens that a holiday ends tragically. Someone gets injured. Such a person can remember for the rest of his life not the joy of the holiday, but the fear of being in a similar situation. The only way out here may be to consult a psychologist.

There is a separate category of people who celebrate holidays not according to the standard dates that are accepted in our country, but according to their own rules. The reason for the celebration is a successful deal, a successful purchase, a meeting with a loved one. These people are free from many stereotypes, they are successful and satisfied with their lives. They choose when to work and when to celebrate.

Who loves holidays?

According to statistics, only 5% of the population has adequate self-esteem. So who loves holidays? Not only those who like to drink, so as to temporarily increase self-esteem and remove inhibitions, relax. If you know how to be sincere, love yourself and those around you, if you can refuse the unpleasant company of relatives or friends, if you consider yourself the creator of your life and your holiday - any holiday is for you! A holiday is creativity, a manifestation of love for yourself and loved ones. This is the art of giving gifts, compliments, congratulations... And you don’t have to wait for your birthday or New Year’s date. This only sets the theme of the holiday. The holiday can be arranged at any time.

Elena ANFINOGENOVA, psychologist-practitioner, director of training at the School of Success “Alpha Leader”,

Alexey KURENCHANIN, psychologist-trainer

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